"I'll fucking kill you!" he screamed
as I picked at an irritating spot
to the left of my right eyebrow
it wasn't fair at all
I mean what a time to be mugged
the inconvenience of it
it wasn't that I was unafraid
I mean these spots can be lethal
if left to fester untended
I longed to tell him about my spot
but he was just so aggressive,
was even prepared to ask his advice
I wanted to tell him about death
how he couldn't kill me
any more than politicians' truths
any more than the apathy of people
who look on as children starve
and rainforests are ravaged
I was sure he would understand
was going to explain how it all began
I mean it was a small spot at first
but he panicked and ran.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I agree Tony, the usage of untended is correct, unattended would alter the inflection.
They say there is often a grain of truth within humour, herein you sprinkle several under its mask but nethertheless reveal layers of concerns and in turn how they, themselves, are layered.
The character is concentrating his focus on a minor irritant, an erruption under the epidermis which temporally and temporarily blots out real causes for concern. Those of the state of the world, the children starving, starving perhaps because of lies fed by politicians when along comes another character whose, seemingly,only focus is on his own needs at whatever cost to someone else.
It's a house of mirrors, this poem, mugged on the spot, with the spot spotlighting red, angry angst crafted as being mugged off.
Many a point may be made with humour that may otherwise be blanked out, well done.
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omg how cool is this, Tony you rock, I like how you combine humour with bigger issues, fitting really, when you consider the laughable way world leaders tackle the wider issues, a little like your mugger really, run away from the issue
nice write my friend, and might I add, its a really well put together piece, nice pace, constantly changing, engages with the reader, its a real quality work
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untended- i think you want to say unattended?
if this is true- glad he ran
but it just felt like a story more to make the metaphoric point with the world and politics and lack of care
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Untended is definitely the word I meant - not unattended lol.
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Very clever how you put this together, I can see the funny side, That mugger scared off by a small spot that might not even be there. Unable to deal with anything more then his own space, thus he panics and runs. Well written and thanks for the comment on "I love you daddy".
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interesting write here. Deffniatly more to it than the story, the political, and natural world seeping into this.
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Humorous: yes. Critical of our inability to engage or even tolerate serious subjects: even more.
Like the mugger, most of us just want to run away from anything more serious than a personal blemish. (We would ignore those as well, but mirrors and acquaintances are unavoidable.)
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I think you wrote this marvelously. It is very clervely written and I enjoyed reading it.
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This is a clever piece of work. It kind of puts a fresh perspective on things for a while. The mugger was a minor threat compared to that of the little spot that so preoccupied the speaker. How the poor fellow must have felt, being all but ignored by his intended victim. It would be most disconcerting.
Even the reader is drawn to the speaker's potential illness over the immediate threat.
I loved the easy flow and format used here.
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wow
You really freaked him out, huh. Cool.
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This is really cool. I don't quit get all of it yet, but i'll read it a few more times and maybe it'll sink in. lol Other wise i think it's a great write. Keep it up. ^-^
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This is quite profound. I found the premise interesting.
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very interesting write and story. The truths of this world. Great imegery here, told like a story i felt like i was there.
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I feel like I've been in this spot... except I wasn't being mugged. Maybe I'm wrong but I see a deep thought being missed by one mans sudden impulse. ha ha This is a poem I could just keep thinking about, I love that, good job!
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That was awesome. From what I know of you, I imagine that is exactly how you would handle such a situation.
I really can't describe what it is about this poem I like so much...it's just a pleasure to read and think about. As always, a warlock of words
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I was sure he would understand
was going to explain how it all began
I mean it was a small spot at first
well good 4 u he raan
) that's a cool write my friend
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intresting...
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This is good, makes me wonder if nothing - I'm thinking you're still editing?
I mean: untended is not a word - that or my vocab is poor..
Never ♥
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