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What's it feel like to be a ghost

Watch her float by
Dont say a word
Hear distant cries
Pretend it's unheard
Already been kicked
But is now in the dirt
Someone is screaming
No that's absurd
Shattered wing,
On the ground
Swaying trees
Whistled sounds
Pools of blood
but there's no cut
Chocolate bars with almond nuts
Oats and honey and nacho chips
Purple skittles and onion dip
Watch her float by
And suffacate her soul
Something is missing,
And nobody knows...




Author notes

Okay so it's getting really aggervating people asking stupid questions like what's with the random food,obviously its the girls favorite foods,and the whole poem is simply stating that there are so many clues that this girl exsist,but no1 seems to notice nor care because they are to wrapped up in themselves.And hello the whole poem is this one big metaphor,apperently its not about a real ghost,the girls feelings have just reached a certain point that she feels she is nothing but a ghost at this point. GOD. think outside the box people. I swear if some1 else asks me...sorry just frustrated with iggnorance.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Salty Hibiscus gold member
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    interesting write. thank you for sharing.

  • poetyaknoit
    December 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh wow, powerful write. it was chilling. Best of luck in the contest. Keep on writing, ~TC


  • just weak hands
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow this is... utterly amazing :] i adore it ! the flow and rhyme is spot on, and the story being told is captivating. i think it would have been neater if you separated the lines into stanzas, but personally, that's just me. nothing held against you there.

    i like how you used the title as an inspiration, i'm guessing, but please put the option you chose in your AN anyway. Also put Taking Back Sunday x Panic At The Disco in your AN. it was required in the rules.

    i didn't want prewrites to be entered. i may need you and other entrants to enter a fresh poem since allowing prewrites to be entered was a mistake. please message me for any questions

    brilliant write !


  • Stripes
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i especially like the last two lines
    "Something is missing,
    And nobody knows..."
    It just leaves this suspense. I really liked this poem
    , it just screamed emotion. Good luck.
    Thank you for sharing.


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    May 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This runs together without some punctuation or line spaces or something.

    In the line 4...pretend what's unheard?

    Where do these lines fit in? what are you saying with them :

    "Chocolate bars with almond nuts
    Oats and honey and nacho chips
    Purple skittles and onion dip"

    I think I understand what the idea was behind this...I think you could free it by cutting out alot of the un-needed portions. It would be way more powerful.

    What you have said could be said in as few words as this:

    'in silence she floats,
    her cries, unheard

    kicked to the dirt
    she lies in blood
    from knifeless wounds

    something is missing,

    and nobody knows
    it's her soul'


    to me this is the essence of what you said.

    thanks for entering.


  • Eyes Wide Shut gold member
    May 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, you have great imagery and terms. You express beautifully. You portrayed being out casted amazingly! Thank you for entering!


  • XNevermindX
    April 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Really good... like your terms of expression.


  • Chaos Inside
    April 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    aw this is really good hun, you have some serious talent, i love it

1 - 8 of 8