All in the town were still asleep
When I heard the patter of his feet
Running down the old main road
Almost silenced by the snow
I stood up and looked outside
To see the man who'd caught my eye
I had seen him only weeks ago
And to him, my heart I had bestowed
He left a note upon the steps
It was for me, I could have wept
I drank in every single word
And all that time no one stirred
It said he cared for me too much
And made me miss his gentle touch
He left the note to let me know
I reminded him of the snow
He said the snow was soft and sweet
And like me, made his heart complete
Author notes
Its not my best work, but I haven't written ryhming stuff much lately, or pretty much anything with rules and I'm trying to get back into the habit.
Hope you enjoyed it, I'd love some construtive critism since it has been so long since I've written poetry instead of lyrics, or at least rhyming poetry that had rules if that makes sense.
Kate
A contest entry
- Second Index of First Lines by Keith.
525 points, ended April 12, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Some of your rhymes could be a little bit more precise, e.g. asleep/feet road/snow. You should persevere with this sort of writing in rhyming couplets because its a bit more testing than free verse. It's not a bad wee poem at all. Thanks for entering. You might like to read the original:
The Little Dog's Day
All in the town were still asleep,
When the sun came up with a shout and a leap.
In the lonely streets unseen by man,
A little dog danced. And the day began.
All his life he'd been good, as far as he could,
And the poor little beast had done all that he should.
But this morning he swore, by Odin and Thor
And the Canine Valhalla he'd stand it no more!
So his prayer he got granted to do just what he wanted,
Prevented by none, for the space of one day.
"Jam incipiebo, sedere facebo,"
In dog-Latin he quoth, "Euge! sophos! hurray!"
He fought with the he-dogs, and winked at the she-dogs,
A thing that had never been heard of before.
"For the stigma of gluttony, I care not a button!" he
Cried, and ate all he could swallow and more.
He took sinewy lumps from the shins of old frumps,
And mangled the errand-boys when he could get 'em.
He shammed furious rabies, and bit all the babies,
And followed the cats up the trees, and then ate 'em!"
They thought 'twas the devil was holding a revel,
And sent for the parson to drive him away;
For the town never knew such a hullabaloo
As that little dog raised till the end of that day.
When the blood-red sun had gone burning down,
And the lights were lit in the little town,
Outside, in the gloom of the twilight grey,
The little dog died when he'd had his day.
Rupert Brooke
The "dog Latin" in stanza 3 translates as "Now we're off! I'll make them sit up!"
Very different from yours.
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Thanks for the advice.
Its been too long since I've written with rules. I've done free verse and lyrics lately.
Best of luck judging.
Kate
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