My predictable dance on reality's razor edge
has impossibility boasting a growing repertoire,
though this current illusion is quite entertaining
obscured logic is romancing false obsessions,
suspicions of what is beautiful, not just symmetrical
are invading my sporadic moments of sanity;
Ephemeral tangible existence hiding divinities glow
tittilating a sixth sense so blatantly elusive
shimmering fractal possibilities mock in suggestion
yet the ever incessant needs of the body hinder
and this mind stays muddled in ectoplasmic delusion;
Random chaos drives my madness towards immolation
tandem duality strives until sadness thwarts cessation,
thrown upon an infinite track in the shape of a figure eight
endlessly looping, gaining speed until quirks fold the visage;
something stronger than a waking dream laughs within...
and such profound bliss in a simple sigh
that says nothing at all;
Bootlegged beliefs that smuggle reason
are evading the prohibition against logic,
I try in vain to imagine absolute nothingness
but the empty void that my mind creates
is damned by simply coloring it black
(which is indeed something);
Infinity beckons a perpetual renewal
but no beginning point or ending mark
exists beyond predictable linear notions,
or does a wormhole shuttle my flesh
from one random chaos to another,
an absurd divinity of unseen comedies
bringing some order between my tragedies?
A contest entry
- Your Lucid Dream by Hadji Murad.
300 points, ended April 27, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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congratulations on the silver. Well deserved. I had to read every line and take it in after I had read the poem on the whole. I enjoy your vocabulary; it is rich and makes the write sparkle. Even though I have to struggle for understand I am glad I did
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I like this, it deserved a trophy
It really, really did
"I try in vain to imagine absolute nothingness
but the empty void that my mind creates
is damned by simply coloring it black
(which is indeed something);"
This is very disheartening when it happens, because the nothingness is really needed at the time.
Well done on this write -
Astounding!
'...suspicions of what is beautiful, not just symmetrical are invading my sporadic moments of sanity;'
Strong lines and full of wisdom. Yes you ably describe the endless wrestling for awareness and the type of knowledge that seems to be impossible to know until you know it.
Peace Georgia
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Thank you. I thought that line was one of the strongest in the poem, since it is founded on scientific fact: research has proven that any large number of people when asked what makes something beautiful, one of the most common responses is "symmetry".
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Brilliance or trash
has a fine dividing line. In prose, we seek to ascend to new heights in expressing our ideas. If we rise too high our wax wings melt in the sun. The easy alternative is to wallow in the mud. Somewhere, in the middle is a common meeting ground; where we stay aloft and don't get caught in the mud. I struggle to make 'wisdom' or 'deep philosophical thought' accessible to all who read it. That is what myths, legends, parables and storytelling give us is the ideal in a form that is easily shared. I think you came close to brilliance. So, thanks for a smart read. I look forward to more of your work.
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Yes but sometimes rising too high and melting our "wax wings" is the intention, the goal being to make our self-destruction as thourough as possible in hopes that the leap to the abyss is allowed...
And sometimes to be stuck in the mud, to wallow in self-pity and self loathing, to immerse oneself totally in earthbound delights, the excessive sex and violence which pervades humanity... yes, this is indeed sometimes the goal for someone like me. I encourage my inner lunacy and find the extremes to be where is found the less mundane, generic, predictable, bullshit...
Myths, legends, parables and storytelling are wonderful but I write what speaks to MY own experiences and if it "comes close to brilliance" than I can only assume that "brilliance" is, after all, just an opinion.
I endeavour to melt my wax wings, frequently, if possible.
I don't want to "get stuck in the mud" and make something I write lose clarity, yet I don't try to lessen my own personal vocabulary within a poem because of a fear of it being "trash". Besides, trash can be beautiful if you learn to acquire a taste for the stench, a feel for the slimy texture, a love of the maggots infesting the filth.
until immolation,
Grimoire
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This is an Awsome Piece, It paints an image in my head that is too vivid for words. The lines, "I try in vain to imagine absolute nothingness
because the empty void that my mind creates
is damned by simply coloring it black,"
emphizises a point. Nice work, and best of luck on your contests. -
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It is impossible for me to imagine absolute nothingness, without some form or image or color coming into creation in my mind... as easy to imagine infinity without some starting point or ending being imagined. Our minds work in spatial dimensions, time, borders and boundaries, etcetera...
some hallucinogenics, meditations, philosophies, bring us as close to this as the mind will allow...
until immolation,
Grimoire
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This piece is Awsome, and paints a imagery in my head that is to vivid for words.
The line, "I try in vain to imagine absolute nothingness because the empty void that my mind creates
is damned by simply coloring it black," emphisize a point. Great writing, Keep it up..And good luck on your contest.
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an excellent write so full of possible deductions to isolate just one is an exercise in futility. When rounded out I see the universal acceptance that only in chaos is there order
Joe
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Very true. The random chaos theory states that the order of the universe is not static, it is a dynamic order which RELIES on the fact that chaos: (quoted from WikiPedia)
'As well as being orderly in the sense of being deterministic, chaotic systems usually have well defined statistics. For example, the Lorenz system is chaotic, but has a clearly defined structure. Bounded chaos is a useful term for describing models of disorder. Also there is relativistic chaos, quantam chaos, mathematical chaos...'
until immolation,
Grimoire
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I really like this. This poem says a lot of things that I often feel, such as "obscured logic is romancing false obsessions." I've been meaning to write a poem about essentially feeling crazy, but now I will have to try a different route! The only thing that kept me from really enjoying it was the line "ethereal opacity vaguely tangible existence;" it does not flow very well in my mind, and almost seems like you were trying too hard for a metaphor. But that is the only lag I see. Overall, this is very good!
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Ok. I edited that line with your suggestion in mind, and hope the revision is more flowing.
until exhale,
Grimoire
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Excellent
A very fine write just as it is. Your imagery is excellent. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
"Bootlegged beliefs that smuggle reason", I did, indeed, like that line from this collection of arcanum most intriging and mildly bambozzeling... deftly done throughout.... bravo... bravo... bravo...
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'yet the ever incessant needs of the body hinder
and this mind stays muddled in ectoplasmic delusion'
an intense piece which tries to define the struggle for lucidity or escape with fine language and description. Always difficult to define those moments of unravelling as rhyme and reason clash together. The dreamer seems to attempt to swim upwards and away into clarity.
'I try in vain to imagine absolute nothingness'
A well presented, deeply explored and interesting piece of work.
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Forgot to applaud the work that went into it. Way to go the distance, Grimoire
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Anchor
You are trying for something very big here, and it is obvious that there is something worth learning in the entirety of the poem. It could use a lttle paring down to its more essential parts to escape its thick embroidery, I should say. After all, any word or subject, great or small, speaks through a poet's ideas with an innate clarity, without rough polish. Would also suggest grounding the emotion with an object or application, so as to help a reader relate by way of shared experience -
Great
..Simply Me♥ -
Asolutly Great
I loved this poem. I can see you worked very hard on it. BRAVO JOB. lOVE IT -
Amazing...
Powerful! A wonderfully dark and prolific journey through the realm(s) of [in]sanity. Weaving illusionary dreaming, to root down beneath the weakening flesh...
Poetically, this represents so much of the 'pour', that thickening, stick-sweet effect that you have over words. Great depth, detail, and intensity. As always, I enjoyed the 'ride'.
Your biggest fan
:
Wendy
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Thank you. I am humbled, and appreciate your comment though I endeavour to 'pour' a much stickier and sweeter illusion over my words, with each new weave.
YOUR biggest fan,
Grimoire
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I live for that profound bliss in that simple sigh that says nothing at all... way to hit me at home and heart Grimoire...
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Thank you, and glad that there was something you found to relate to...
Your screen name is intriguing; such a burden to carry, and such a beautifully evil womb to birth such profane creatures such as human beings are. Indeed, we are defined by sin and it must be nurtured by something motherly. As barbaric and warfaring creatures inherently must suckle the teet of sin, Mother Nature being the most wicked and cruel force which seperates the weak from the strong... the prey from the predator... the sinful from the righteous... each ironic tragedy is the flip side to the divine comedy of life.
until immolation,
Grimoire
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... "and such profound bliss in a simple sigh that says nothing at all." --what a great line!
This poem is packed full of hard hitting words that really pack an emotional punch. I read the prompt for the contest, and I certainly think that this poem hits the mark in terms of challenging the confines of reality.
Minor corrections...in the first line I think you might mean "reality's" instead of "realities"...? (the possessive instead of the plural)
Overall, I really enjoyed the read. You have a great talent when it comes to putting together a "thought provoking" poem!
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wow that was realy good i enjoyed reading your poem in a way it made since in a way to me but in another way it did not its kinda talking about sadness manly i think anywho it would alot to me to have such a talented writer like you coment one of my poems like umm maybe blackout or friendsi dont care i just wont you to read one of my poems and tell me what you think please thankes for sharing your poems with us veiwers i enjoy reading them
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