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Dear Moon-Garden


I have caressed your skin
in defiance of desolation
carrying you about
promises trailing through the vacuum
for the next sojourner
to stumble upon.



Author notes

zero adjectives (or adverbs), as usual...

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • Tercarro
    April 18, 2008

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    Hm

    I liked lots of this but in some parts I felt it needed less rather than more, but still, I think it is better than I could dream of writing.
    terry


    • wbiro gold member
      April 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      hmmm... yes, less- I see just where a little pruning wouldn't hurt...

  • grm
    April 3, 2008

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    i love that word, 'sojourner' and wish i had used it before you. lol

    concise, defiant, and eyes-wide-open acceptance

    this is good

    thanks for entering

    • wbiro gold member
      April 4, 2008
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      well, go ahead and use 'sojourner' (and I didn't even have to dig for it- vocab slowly expanding!) in fact, that's one technique, going around, gathering words in a basket, then pouring them out again on a page...


  • Nicolette gold member
    April 3, 2008

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    This made me think of a song by a South African band (of a while ago, lol) called "there's a man on the moon".... (and now I can't remember the rest of the lyrics but that's how the song begins)!

    Lovely visuals of your moon-garden you've penned here - a very poetic note indeed, and it allows the reader many interpretations and visuals. And yes, no adjectives - well done!

    Thank you for a lovely entry.

    ~ Nicolette

    • wbiro gold member
      April 4, 2008
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      Ballyhoo "Man on the Moon" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irma7Q4X-NU (what does youtube not have these days? It is my new google in many ways!)

    • wbiro gold member
      April 4, 2008
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      thanks, some pieces get accolades for having many levels of meaning, I would say they are pieces from confused and jumbled lives!... groping for answers...


  • Touchof1der silver member
    April 3, 2008

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    Talk about sweet beauty... this piece is drenched in it. This is absolutely breathtaking. Your words flow down the page in a river of loving admiration that is undeniable. Exquisite writing my son! Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use. Good luck in the contest!
    ♥ Touchof1der

    • wbiro gold member
      April 3, 2008
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      Hey! Thanks for dropping in, mum... now something tells me that you conjured up a person rather than a garden... (yes, it is just me on the moon... less trouble up there!) Now you have me doing a poet search out of curiosity... nope, no Moon-Garden's, no one's as creative as I yet...!

1 - 10 of 10