No melting looks, no such “celestial charms”
No conquering eyes to “set the world in arms”
No winning form, no such “majestic mien”
Nor seemed “a goddess”, nor she “looked a queen”
A little tense as I approached my wed
Ensconced and waiting on my bridal bed
With expectations, thoughts of love and more
Of all the charms that form the “womanly lure”
I found surprise, she seemed so far away
From all enchantments that had held their sway
Much through my single life, tormenting years
Devoid of joy and tinged with countless fears
She was, in fact, of an average pretty mould
Or pretty average, if sour truth be told
God! Not enough! You knew I wanted more
And through my prayers you’d made me feel so sure
I’d have my wish and being no handsome king
Colour to my life a charming queen would bring
For men have freedom full to pick and choose
At their own whims and justice’s laws abuse
I heard a voice, don’t judge that quickly still
Trust in your Lord and bow down to his will
Don’t fret at views you take from an open door
Go, enter and find what Allah has in store
For beauty is of a million different kinds
In accord each with its discovering mind
Dejected still, my hand reluctant shook
To hold her chin and have a better look
Before it touched my bride her hand clasped mine
She turned serene to me and looked divine
What melting confidence! Compozid mien!
No fear could in her daring eyes be seen
Internal beauty of a much deeper kind
I knew then I’d married a conqueror of the mind
A gaze that stung and piercing through my soul
Made me so conscious of some distant goal
Another world, so far away she seemed
And from thus far she now indifferent beamed
Not least percepting my appraisals said
A tone so calm and casual I went red
With modesty, I lost much ground and more
The bride seemed in control, the groom unsure
“This night is yours, your touch halal for me
As mine for you, His wishes come to be
No pleasing moves you need to get me through
You take me not, I give myself to you
And if its written, if such be His sweet will
For thousands more you will yet have your fill
What joys I bring to you, what you receive
It won’t be my charms at work, but your naseeb
For what He wills will come to pass for sure
Not less you get and not a trifle more”
“Yes, true, I see,” at this my tongue untied
To assure her then I think in vain I tried
“Much sweeter than all the other joys I see
To me will your soul-enriching company be
I see you now, my heart, you now appear
A beauty true, forsake then all your fear”
Now fuming strong with passionate love I near
She motions: “Calm and something precious hear”
With painful force I quell my inward cries
And gaze into those deep discerning eyes
“Have I a claim to bliss of bridal bed?
A woman’s question! Would you go instead
Quieting the clamours of your nafss in me
Not caring what place your wife’s desires be?”
“And where be they? My heart I yearn to know
Your orders and like a pleasing slave I go
To all the realms to soothe my darling’s soul
To bring us close and make us both one whole”
“What then,” she said, “Will charm my female mind?”
“Beauty,” I said, “But of a manly kind”
“Such as?”
“Enchating, warm personality
To rouse your Muslim sisters’ vanity!”
“What more?”
“Affectionate show of manly force”
“You have that?”
“I have a much impressive resource”
“Is that so?”
““Of course, there’s lots of choice
A kindly gaze, a pleasing, sober voice
And words that soothe “instilling soft desire””
“Ah! Curling tresses and your silver lyre?”
“Yes!”
““Beauty and youth, to these in vain you trust
When youth and beauty shall be laid in dust””
She smiled; I smiled (ever more unsure, confused)
It seemed as though my icy wife amused
Some womanly vein by watching how distressed
My self-esteem was now by her questions pressed
I felt amazed how deeply now I yearned
For her approval, how had the tables turned!
I feared much, but ‘midst my heart’s alarms
I burned to take my woman in my arms
Now sensing much, she said, ““Be patient, hear
And let your wife in her true self appear
Behooves a man intent on nuptial joy
His mind to know his stranger half employ
What I relate, not for some wrong divine
I’m all yours now as your all now mine
I cannot keep so tell you this I must
For God I do this and in Him I trust
No graceful form did in my heart inspire
What they call ‘love’, that all-consuming fire
Pure as the snow, untouched you have me now
But human still we are, that much allow
Strange men I shunned and to myself I kept
And stung by love when some companion wept
I marveled how a few connected sights
Or single glance engendered sleepless nights
A soothing voice, some dazzling, earnest move
Our senses please, our fragile hearts approve
But none there was for whom my passion raged
And wiser still I grew the more I aged
Until disgust succeeded marvel for
The concept ‘love’, so rotten at its core
To love a man? “a wretch of humble birth
A short lived reptile in the dust of earth!””
“But then,” she said, this ‘then’ I dreaded too
And prayed for strength to hear the whole thing through
“I guess from time to time through all our days
God shows us we’re weak in a variety of ways
Our nafss’s a ride we can with prudence use
To reach Allah, or suffer its abuse
My own, in restless youth, when clamouring cried
To keep it still with all my heart I tried
I’d spend some time at night in prayers deep
And with Allah my strong communion keep
The masjid, right next to where my parents dwell
Some nights I’d go and pray therein as well”
“When one such night,” she said, (my heart raced fast
How long I thought this murderous tale would last!)
“I went to the masjid, it was nearly morn
Thinking I had a little time till dawn
I thought to recite Quran before I heard
The moazzin chant those blissful, magic words
‘Allaho Akbar!’, stir the souls from sleep
And fill my heart with countless pleasures deep
Forgive me God, but as I entered in
I heard the sound of weeping from within
The men’s section, through a crack I gazed
No other scene had thus my heart amazed
I saw a youth lost in a fit of tears
Cathartic wine for one not much in years
Head in his lap and on the wall recline
He seemed to vent some burden of his mind
Now and again his eyes would gushing start
And broken whispers issued from his heart
His private conference with Allah I heard
Forgive me God, he said the strangest words:
‘Ilahi sweet, say, do you love me still?
When thus I live opposid to your will?
Like her of bad repute who love has met
A noble soul on whom her heart is set
But clients allow her not a moment’s rest
Her evil past her darkened heart infest
So you I love Allah, the truth is plain
Our meetings still, I find, are all in vain
For worldly clients still hold my blackened soul
And impure thoughts my human mind control’
He’d speak such thoughts and then his eyes would raise
Say astaghfaar and offer words of praise
Then drop his head and in his youthful rage
Mixed with his cries his guilty heart assuage
Forgive me God; the sight was much to bear
How beauty in ever changing forms appear
The prospect soothed, the youth seemed scalding sweet
My gaze was locked, my eyes forgot retreat
Approaching steps at length disturbed the scene
He hastened out as I looked on unseen
Azaan was called, the average day began
The stinging view still through my pulses ran
Returning home, the thoughts still grossly stuck
To my young heart, a burning fever struck
Thoughts helped me much through what the scene had wrought
Of how I knew it wasn’t him I sought
Him and his God, that something nice between
The strings that bind us to Allah, unseen
I wanted those for I had seen their charms
How tugs at them had made him beg for alms
A beggar groveling to Allah to live
Though I found out, he’d all that life could give
The fever dropped, but now my love increased
For all He loves, to every moment cease
To seek Allah to see His unseen face
In all I do, even in your embrace
I make you free from all that women want
Of worldly lure, an all-absorbing haunt
But in return a promise you must give
To try your best a Momin’s life to live
God knows what ‘lurks inside the hearts of men’
One fateful day, by His firm orders when
The trumpet’s blown will all our ranks be known
And each will face his Mighty Lord alone
But till that day I guess content I must
Be with your outward so be kind and just
To yourself and me and those to come from us
Ah! Dear husband, if we build our love
And live our lives under a firm resolve
To find appeal in sacred laws alone
Then all the joys for sure will be our own
That sacred law which His last Prophet brought
Allah ordains through it He must be sought
And all the love and all eternal bliss
You live that law and nothing you’ll miss
You seek to please? Respect Him and His laws
His yoke is freedom and His will our cause
‘O Happy state when souls each other draw
When He is liberty and His the law
All then is full, possessing and possessed
No craving void left aching in the breast’
You seem unsure, you wonder, what’s going on
Dear husband know, shariah turns me on!
Keep to that law and never fear for more
You’ll please me more than ten times this world’s store””
She said all this and with that lowered her head
And in words low and modest now she said:
“Get up, dear husband, your ablutions make
Go offer prayers then touch me for His sake”
My readers know, not for a fairy queen
Or houris all in God’s jannah unseen
Would I exchange the treasure I have found
My Momina wife with blissful taqwa crowned!
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