Sitting on this dead end street of junkies and [pay by the hour] lovers,
watching these bullets fly by,something like [sleeping] with [you],and
dreams of my own nightmares are making all of the words in the back of
my throat not want to be spat at you anymore.angels are circling my head
and spitting pixie dust around all of those [fucked] feelings i have for you.
trace my ribcage with black eyeliner and smear your finger prints down through
my stomach,I have multi color rainbows in prescription pills just waiting for
an excuse to roll down my throat.[please give it a chance]
Lets just dance through all of the obstacles,no more crying about how you
t.o.u.c.h.e.d me [yes,it hurt] and im gagging myself,chugging down mouth
wash to get rid of the way your love taste.Copy and paste all of the corny
love lines and promises [that weren't kept] and try to make me [understand]
that every kiss is a seed of tragedy planted on my sugar dried lips.throw me
up against the alley wall and show me what happens when
i
love
you
isnt enough.and i dont think you get the fact that no amount of medication
is gonna make me [better].take all of those secrets I whispered into your
ear and put them where [they'llstophauntingme].making l.o.v.e underneath
stoplight's and no [i really dont care] who the hell sees us.the beat of
my heart pounding against porcelain ribs is just another reason to lie me
into seduction.baby if i could i would shoot you right into my glittering
bloodstream.coloring your name on neon stars and knowing you dont really
[love] me,
[its all part of growing up]
p.s-bullshit.
A contest entry
- [HolographicRainbows]&&[TissuePaperWings] by SarahEatsAirplane.
450 points, ended April 22, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - dIrTy PrEtTy by poetrytoopeneyes.
600 points, ended June 15, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [Flash] .Give me love. [Flash] by PrettyxoxPoison.
1200 points, ended June 15, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Sitting on this dead end street of junkies and [pay by the hour] lovers,
watching these bullets fly by,something like [sleeping] with [you],and
dreams of my own nightmares are making all of the words in the back of
my throat not want to be spat at you anymore.angels are circling my head
and spitting pixie dust around all of those [*bunny*ed] feelings i have for you.
trace my ribcage with black eyeliner and smear your finger prints down through
Wonderful imagery.
This was awesome. Definitely a finalist!
Thanks for entering
Good luck
♥[Katee]♥ -
Stunning imagery. I loved the word choice. You didn't have an overkill of punctuation which was nice also.
Great write.
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"and i dont think you get the fact that no amount of medication
is gonna make me [better].take all of those secrets I whispered into your
ear and put them where [they'llstophauntingme].making l.o.v.e underneath
stoplight's and no [i really dont care] who the hell sees us.the beat of
my heart pounding against porcelain ribs is just another reason to lie me
into seduction."
I love this... word usage is beautiful, dp absolutely flawless, and the story and emotions are told well. good images too XD
it's absolutely amazing, well done...
~QoA
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this makes me hate my boyfriend.
and i swore I loved him. but this is great, and you're a finalist.
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i'm gonna agree with the other two below me about how writing is something you do for YOU. who cares if it appeals to only one genre, when the time is right if you decide to branch out and see what else is out there you will. everyone writes for their own reasons, for years the only thing i wrote about was my tumultuous relationship with my ex...but once i said everything i needed to say, was when i "branched out." this poem is amazing, and i love how it comes off that love can be just as ugly as drug abuse. its filled with many vivid descriptions and imagery, and is a brilliant write in my opinion.
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i love the imagery put into this, and the emotion behind it. personally, i think the fact that you wrote about yourself makes it all the more personal, so don't worry about what other people say, hun. it was a great piece, although [just in my opinion] it seemed just a tad bit cluttered. but that's my only criticism. i loved the metaphors and frankly i loved everything else, so good job
and good luck in my contest
and keep writing!
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writing is about what you want -- not what people want out of you. so i agree, don't try so hard to please the contest holders; but if you choose to write about yourself, then do it, because it's what you want to do. not what someone pleaded and begged with you to do.
:];;
this was a pretty brilliant piece, you always manage to come up with these amazing metaphors and images, you make it look so easy. lol. great job, good luck in the contest!!
♥;;
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Another brilliant piece about you. However, I quit trying to please the contest holders a long time ago. Do you want to write, or do you want to get the applause of contest holders who like this type of work? I'm pleading with you again, stop making yourself the focus of your writing. It's a big world. Find something other than yourself to write about. Let's say you win gold in every contest you enter that appeals to this genre', does that prove anything? No. Life is about so many other issues. I love this write as I do so many of your works so don't discount me or take this wrong. I still plead with you, stop trying to appeal to one style of writing, you have so much more within you. RC
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Holy shit...I love this
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