Gasp for air on earth...
Can't take these stupid humans...
No more trees to breathe...
Author notes
ForeverLastingComa
Haiku is a 3 line type of poem the
1st line is 5 syllables,
2nd line is 7 syllables,
and 3rd line is 5 syllables.
A contest entry
- Short Ain't All Bad; Right? by 2lullabyhaven.
475 points, ended April 28, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There are no small poems Only small poets! by GypsyEyes.
300 points, ended June 3, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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I have to say I have never been a fan of haiku and it takes something really special to take my breath away in such a short form. And this...isn't to be honest.
I think it's mainly due to that middle line. It kills any promise that the first line has and taints the pretty decent last line. Also, when you have such few words to express what you want, I see no point whatsoever in using a line from your poem as a title. I usually don't like this in poetry anyway but it is emphasized much more in the haiku form.
I don't think this packs a punch...as much as it could have done.
By the way, trees actually produce less of the oxygen in our atmosphere than these things in the ocean. Their name escapes me but they are disappearing too so...well anyway that's just a bit of not very acurate Environmental Biology for you.
Thanks for your entry. -
A short but powerful write. It really packs a punch and makes a blatantly stark statement that we "humans" should take to heart. Thanks for your entry.
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Interesting
Didn't expect Haiku, but I didnt exclude it either. Short and to the point. Thanks for your entry! -
He your syllable count was awesome, your view on tree's and how man is doing the earth was a excellent concept. You will see many of us center the three lines and it comes out just as the haiku is formed.
You are very talented.....
novy
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Short, sweet. Sad. Nice write.
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i am a tree huger so i can relate to this! i often feel suffocated too! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
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an interesting thought, thanks for entering.
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I totally agree with poem. They just want to cut the trees down so they can build houses and make profit. Just makes me sick! Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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This poem certainly screams GREEN! How those "stupid humans" are taking away all the trees and natural things on earth. Go green
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Great thought and Hiaku. Best to you in the contest.
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this is great for the stuff thats happening right now
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Oh, I love this. It says soooo much in so few words. I told my mom just the other day how earth would be the perfect place if there weren't any people. Then I think of deforestation too. This really can mean so many things. I really enjoyed reading it.
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Very interesting haiku you've penned here
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Great Stuff!!
Only gotten into haiku style of poetry of late...
This embodies the style, form & grace easily, with a profound message within...
Well done!!!
Keep up the good work...
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Thank you for entering my short poems contest. This is a good example of the traditional haiku, one of my favorite types of poems.
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very nice haiku. great visual, at least to me.
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hey this is Dani...the judge of the contest. just to let you know that i do not know who you are...so if you know me please don't be upset if i leave you a comment that does not make you smile. it's just i'm judging this contest and i wanna be able to seek out the good and get rid of the bad. too short for me...i thought you could of done better in my eyes. but best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dani~ -
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ok? not to be rude or anything but you didn't have to say that if you didn't like it you just could have said so, maybe my write won't make it but good lukc in your contest anyhow
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Middle line is fantastic. I'm often embarassed to be part of the human race. Individually we all seem to be prettydecent people(at least the ones I've come across) but collectively, we sure are stupid...
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I really liked this, short but powerful. I liked your last line- it was great.
All the best,
KP
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a good piece of poetry you have penned - ah yeah, we should watch it with the trees, they keep the air going for us
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This isn't like a usual haiku, but it does have a subtle impact -- I had to read it a few times to fully understand it. I like the deep meaning, it really makes you realize..... hmmm...
Wonderful write
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Trees do happen to be our life blood
With saying that I agree the world as we know it is being abused.
I feel your poem starts out ok but there is so much more to say for any one to get excited about your comments. And calling humans stupid seems vague and general, as well Iam not positive that a haiku must end after it's first grouping, I belive as long as you keep that meter in your format you can further your haiku by several stanzas. All and all
God bless and yes I do understand. Feel free to check out my sight Sandhu you might find some poems not exactly Haiku but some have similar qualites. -
Oxygen is vitally important; love your little ditty of a Haiku...thanks and good luck
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this is very powerful
well done - if only people would take the hint...
great write
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Well done!
Great message in your haiku...SAVE THE TREES! We need the oxygen trees and plants supply!
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good, humans are the worst!!! no offense but i hat ebeing a human, especialy girls, all we do is b.i.t.c.h. about eachother, again no offense 2 the girls!!! lol xx
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wait your a girl to..lolz your funny..i agree though..all girls do is talk crap and gossip thats why i tend to be around guys more
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Very nice...a different take on the picture than I expected. You did a good job. Thank you for sharing.
Kelli -
Was this poem told from the tree's point of view? I can't tell
. I kind of liked the format of the poem, how it descended like a stair case, the thoughts falling on top of one another, except the last line seemed like it needed to be a bit longer, but that's it ^-^
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
Awesome!
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i dont reely no!!!!!! its not mine lols xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
shazzy -
well it was a haiku and my teacher was very serious about it and its the only reason i wrote this..and its from my point of view..because people keep cutting down the trees man and its so uncool!! lolz =p most of my poems are extremely long for no reason..i cant help it..thanks for the aplause =)
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A lot to think about best to you in the contest
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wow, for a short poem this has a lot of impact on the reader...it really shows the effect that deforrestation is having on our world, and reflects the current environmental state of our planet. i think its a great and provocative write, well done and good luck in the contests...
and also, thanks heaps for your comment on my poem i really appreciate it! -
This is a really beautiful way to describe deforsetation but not what I'm looking for. Sorry but good poem!
Emma ^_^
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i fugured that its ok thanks for the applause though =)
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