Dearest one,
so that you may
better understand
what I'm shyly
trying to tell you,
please listen to the words
which are hidden
in the white spaces
between the lines
that I now pen to you.
A contest entry
- what happens in the white spaces by Dienush.
750 points, ended April 30, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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This is very beautiful....Like how you have approached the theme..All the best!
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Awww yes. This says so much and is very true for most of what we say that really matters. It's often our silence, and not the pretentious words we say, that matters. I like the simplicity of this. It goes pretty deep. I felt the last two lines were a bit more wordy than they could have, thus losing some of the impact, although the meaning shines through anyway. Also, "dearest one" doesn't seem to be such a catchy first line, but on another note it's clever too, because you begin the poem like a letter - and write about a letter. Interesting. Perhaps a blank line between "dearest one" (or even just "dearest") and the next line would better emphasize the letter motif. Very nice work. Thank you for entering.
~Diana -
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Diana,
thankyou for your detailed comments which have prompted me to submit an amended version.
I very much appreciate this interchange of ideas.
Michael
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