Sunday pours out sepia raindrops
on the porch where mama skins her peas.
Soak up the air and breath in the bugs
grow roots on the feet.
Water them off with a twist of lemonade.
Author notes
I dont really know if i like this yet, but if you have any suggestions please let me know, i'm open to anything.
Salt
A contest entry
- vintage sunday by adsaige.
300 points, ended June 25, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Picture Prompt~ by Beauty Of Silence.
650 points, ended June 11, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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nice imagery and all, but you only 5 lines... pls extend it to 10 to 20 lines! its one of my rules... and pls inform me once you've done so, so i can comment again!
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i feel like you could have created more of a story in here. imagery was well done.
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I don't have anything critical so say really
other than I'd love to hear more. This good
imagery and scent, great job ash
If I find more to say I will!!ahha
peace to all ~flight
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