bam bam bam.
another nail
piercing the skeleton:
a rhythm to the blood
of his heart.
bare bones
of sturdy life
(bending
to the summer breeze;
snapping
at the fall gusts)
turned to lifeless structure.
a home-
a jail!
to hold the helpless,
the soulless to
lifeless;
the loveless indeed...
a stilted frame
of bars to narrow for escape.
where is his soul mate,
his life mate,
his jail mate?
she was
in the trees
living as a free spirit.
she was the breeze
the branches,
the song in the air--
bam bam bam.
she dies to the rhythm
of his heart;
he sacrifices
in mother earth's temple:
with blunted ax
on green limbed life
he builds his own security.
this is the house that jack built
upon the grave
of his beloved;
but for her, thoughtless,
he methodically
continues.
bam bam bam.
Author notes
Written for a scholarship. Prompt was title.
Thanks for commenting!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wow - good luck with the scholarship - I really like this piece... the descriptions and imagery are wonderful
the ending was my favorite part - beautifully done (I can't find anything to criticise)
Keep writing
Polly
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Thank you so much. I only hope that a bunch of realters can appreciate my poetry too. I sometimes wonder how different audiences respond.
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This has a really nice, simple rhythm and flow.
I love the lines,
"she dies to the rhythm
of his heart".
So beautiful. -
very good
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well i was expecting a kerouac reference, i suppose, the very beat nature of me does tend to do that, but this was a great little minimalist story all the same.
i guess i have a bone to pick with the punctuation, "bam" seems loud enough to me without an exclamation.
otherwise, a very well told bit, with solid repetition working as a good backbone.
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Hmmmm....thanks. My friend had a problem with the "bam"s too, but I like your idea of just not having the exclamation points.
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