I understand you
in morning dew drapes
heavy as frost
across fallen needles
you speak
with the wind's voice
in echoes beneath bark
I pine time
wait
for a wrap around
of foreign leaf on finger
and feel snow
before it begins
its fall.
Author notes
ummmm...i don't know. Words aren't my friends these days. Any suggestions are welcome.
In a list
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
u put me in another place as i read this. I just cant believe this talent of yours. I must read more. its a pleasure
-
I think this is such a cleverly written piece with excellent use of imagery. I find your poetry is always so full of depth and meaning and I love that. Brilliant.
-
you speak
with the wind's voice
in echoes beneath bark
I pine time
Excellent use of pun/double meaning in the poem, particularly within the lines above (in which "wind's voice" mimics wind pipe, "echoes beneath bark" plays off the double meaning of bark as tree-bark, and bark as in the verb to shout, and "pine time" playing off the double use of "pine" as contemplating and as tree (referring back to "bark")).
There is a solemn feel to this poem. It seems very ephemeral -- as if the poet is contemplating not merely her muse and his/her importance, but the gentle movements of time, which take their due course much like the slow progressions of tree growth, or the fall of a snowflake. Lovely work here Bethany.
-
Such a sad undercurrent and I'm thinking a little more explicit such as this, perhaps:
I understand you
THE MIST I SEEK
YOU ARE THE MORNING DEW
HEAVY AS THE LONGING FROST
DRAPING HEAVY
across fallen needles
you speak
with the wind's voice
in echoes beneath MY bark
I pine time
wait
for YOUR wrap around,
A VISITING leaf on MY finger
and I feel snow
before it begins
its fall,
FEARING SPRING
WILL NEVER COME
WITHOUT YOU
TO SCRIBBLE ON THE PINE
-
gorgeous
refreshing to read your work again after such a long time.
This is so beautiful in all its elements.
My hi to the li'l prince.
Keep up the good work n keep touch dear friend.
-
I like the entrenchment into the pines
-
Beautiful. My only suggestion is in the last stanza. Perhaps change felt to feel in order to fit the tone in the first part.
-
There's definitely something here;
Let's see:
"I understand you
in (the) morning dew drapes
heavy as frost
across fallen needles
you speak
the wind's voice;
echoes beneath bark;
I pine time
wait for (the?)wrap-around
of foreign leaf on finger
and felt(the)snow
before it began
its (something?) fall.
There's alot of 'thes', maybe some could be replaced with something else, or not, lol, I don't know. I'm just trying to say something other than the usual;
beautiful, and lovely things I say all the time. lol.
Though this is, lovely, and beautiful hon.
Words are more than your friend.
You have a natural way with them, honest.
-
"wait
for the wrap around
of foreign leaf on finger
and felt the snow
before it began
its fall."
this is excellent - I know this feeling...
-
i did have to read it twice! but in a good way. i loved the beginning... and the end! i feel like only the emotions are clear in this poem - and have no idea how it made me feel that way. but good, yes, it is very good.
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
