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long to succeed

we all are here
but do we belong
to do the norm
and follow along

to walk these streets with no reason
an live through life without feeling
everyday you wish to stop breathing
a dark dry soul never healing

hating with bitter Passion
your pain is your sweet addiction
you do what you need while
dying inside from every infliction

your soaked in blood yet feel so whole
cuts so deep each vein is thrashing
spilling your blood and slowing your pulse
just what u wanted to see your life come down crashing

an your still here laying thinking and planing the end
longing to succeed at taking your life
in a room alone you stand about
planning the end as you play with your knife
oh you long to succeed at taking your life

Author notes

overcomeing writers i know its not the best but im trying to get through this

comment plz dont be harsh

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • i liked it

    tht was a good piece and i guess im glad i came upon ur page soo yea good job and keep it up

  • oooooo i likey. Great job josh keep it up

  • SarahPodo
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this!
    damn....

    I have writers block right now. It sucks.
    At least you're writing something. I haven't written anything good lately *sighs...*

    I see some grammatical errors, but hell with them, it doesn't matter.
    I really love this part!
    "hating with bitter Passion
    your pain is your sweet addiction
    you do what you need while
    dieing inside from every infliction"
    ~~such a great stanza

    Josherzz.... I really do like this. A lot.
    It's so dark. and beautiful.

    very nice write..
    sincerely,
    sarah ~



    • thx a bunch oh!
      do u mind showing me the grammar mistakes?

      • SarahPodo
        July 22
        Edit | Reply
        No prob
        I know you say "u" a lot, so I didn't really count that. lol But I was talking about the last line in the third stanza. "dieing" should be "dying"
        "your" should be "you're" in a couple of spots, but then again that's nothing big. And the first line in the last stanza should have planing be spelled "plannning"
        idk that's about it.
        it's fine
  • That was very interesting. I can see that you are very good. Better then me probably... *doesn't think highly of self* keep at it! later!

  • demonic66
    June 4
    Edit | Reply
    i love this

  • This is pretty good. Much luck in getting through your writers block.

  • ProzacManiaK
    April 2
    Edit | Reply

    my god dude!

    that was flippin awesome, keep writing, and read my poems, theyre very smilar.

    ~Tyleah~

  • its good not as bad as you think Josher. I like it loads


    Silky

  • lizziepie
    April 1
    Edit | Reply
    hmm first two stanzas sound eerily familiar... is it original?
1 - 13 of 13