Each morning I wake,
Very early at dawn
And spy the fog
Portraying my loved ones, lost.
On occasion I canter, disturbing the mist,
Remembering old friends, people most missed.
Always at daylight, the memories fade,
To where, I don't know. But they always
Endure, the morning next. And leave come the bright sun, along with the mist.
A contest entry
- acrostic that won't make me puke by Ryno.
300 points, ended April 5, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you honestly think?
Comments
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The idea of fog portraying family in loved ones may seem random at first, but it has a wonderful, beautiful surreal layer to it to; witch is what I loved about this piece
A pretty good job, you played with our emotions, feelings and insight on job. Its very basic and raw, but has a nice message and surely didn't make me puke.
Thanks for the entry
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Nicely done. The gradually expanding lines seem to grow as awareness grows, as the final line says, "enduring," and ultimately triumphing over loss. There is a nicely modulated overtone of somberness in the piece, but it avoids sentimentality or triteness. The only word that seems less than ideal is "traipse," which seems to jar slightly in sound with the rest of the poem. Otherwise, well handled throughout.
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