so tired

I’m tired of this shit
im tired of all the lies

im tired of the games these sick people play

i want to be able to hold my head up high

and not lie day to day.

i want to be able to look my friends in their eyes,

and know that i haven’t told them the greatest lie again:

that i am fine and that nothing is wrong with me.

im  tired of having to look into my soul

and realize that there is nothing looking back at me.

i feel like im in a little bubble away from people surrounding me.

they try and make me smile and laugh, and sometimes i look at them and want to scream at them to "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! CAN’T YOU SEE MY PAIN?"

but i know that will never feel or see my pain,

i hide it deep inside where no one will see the true me.

im self conscious, im self doubting, i hate myself 99.8% of the time and that little percent that is left is trying to leave me too.

i hate waking up sometimes because i know that i will end up feeling even more pain than i did the day before.

i dont know why i bother since its all a lie anyway, this life is just the meanings to an end.

sometimes i lie in bed and wonder why i want to live,

all i’ll end up doing is lie in the ground while my body festers and rots.

what good will that do me?

my parents hate each other, my grades are slipping and i want to just crawl into a hole and never see the sun again.

isnt that pathetic?