Memories of all the times
your smile made
the bubbles above my head
fill with beautiful words
for you
of all the times
your touching fingertips made
the other feelings
like you now
disappear
of all the times
your mouth opened
to say ...
black hole now
sucks the words back fast
i will tell the tale
of that whom i do not speak of
for none is as sick as she
she
promised
like
i
promised
broken
apart
i take it all back
every thing
every thing
i take it all back
i want her to know my anguish
this language cannot explain
friends dont do this
right?
Author notes
6. "Cause I regret everything that I said to ever make her feel like she was something special." - "Slow Down" by The Academy Is...
A contest entry
- Prompt Contest. (A) by OhNoChastity.
600 points, ended April 6, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
I like where you went with this prompt. I didn't expect to see it about friendship. I think you established this pretty well throughout the poem, although it wasn't until the end where you specifically used the word friend that I realised this... however, it made sense.
I was attracted to the poem from the format. You broke out of the usual formatting techniques and weren't afraid to display your poem as much as write it. It's a very modern format (especially as it uses punctuation in spots where it is neccessary for effect but lacks capitalization and expected punctuation -- Bukowski much?). However, I do feel like some punctuation was needed such as apostrophes. Those are necessary. You wouldn't go to an interview for a job dressed like a slob, would you?
I loved the format, and the metaphors were interesting and bubbly in a sense. Almost seemed to have a comic book effect. I do feel like this poem has a lot of potential, and if some of the lines were maybe expanded on a bit, this could be a wonderful poem.
I see great potential, and I want to see more of your poetry. Thank you for entering your poem into this contest. -
No, friends don't do this.....
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