faint smells of my mother making candy
Spreads throughout the house,
like helium in the air
I am waiting to enter the doorway,
Today I am terrified of that memory.
Mother passed away, an overdose of morphine.
My heart is now paralyzed wishing for her return
I see her standing under the willows
Her pretty pink, faux velvet robe
Wrapped around her beautiful body
my inspiration,
Now is gone
Author notes
contest: Anorexia...Nervosa by The Artist FKA Gun.
wordBank: (use at least 10)morphine, helium, memory, faint, waiting, stars, enter, doorway, willows, trying,terrified,gaurd,noose,candy,paralyzed,inspiration,muse,wishing, apatetic,pretty,velvet
A contest entry
- Anorexia...Nervosa by I Am Gun.
800 points, ended April 21, 2008, 11 entries
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1000 points, ended May 19, 2008, 36 entries
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450 points, ended April 16, 2008, 54 entries
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370 points, ended April 9, 2008, 17 entries
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600 points, ended April 11, 2008, 22 entries
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600 points, ended April 28, 2008, 55 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No Forced Rhyme Just Solid Writes by James Ether.
402 points, ended April 13, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Very Easy !!! by Loveandblessings2u.
1000 points, ended April 28, 2008, 22 entries
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450 points, ended April 17, 2008, 18 entries
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450 points, ended April 17, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - JUST TWO DAYS TO REACH 1000 ENTRIES !!!! ( BE A PART OF THIS RECORD BREAKING CONTEST ) by Alex Hex.
300 points, ended May 1, 2008, 526 entries
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20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
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450 points, ended June 6, 2008, 74 entries
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1000 points, ended July 18, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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awwww..this is beautiful and sad...memories of mothers do not fade away easily....
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mmmm you can even smell the detail. wonderful
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omg ~~~ this is so sad,
yet your words are very beautiful.
" my inspiration,
Now is gone "
No it isn't. your Mom will always be there for you.
This is a great piece,
I enjoyed a lot.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
good luck in my contest. -
sad poem
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This is a brilliant poem, it's so sad. This poem came from your heart, bursting with inspiration. Thank you for sharing.
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aw... this made me sniffle... Really... You made me teary eyed... Something about how you said it... Just had me... crying there with you.... I don't know about you reference to helium thought, helium... well scientifically speaking would just.... whatever... Hehe..
I'll just shut up now
Great write here... This is brilliant.
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Finalist
Made me sad and that's enough to make you a finalist. Sorry about your mom. (also well-written) -
this poem made me smile... very nice!
Jack -
very sad poem indeed.
Best wishes and good luck,
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I wouldn't have guessed this was a word bank. It's been done very well. I like the way you started off with seemingly random phrases and simple statements. Each line brought a new emotion or piece of information.
Well done and thankyou for entering
Katie -
Oh. This is a sad little poem that you have going on here. I guess you were just writing it for a contest though, right? I sure hope it wasn't really about your mother dying because that would just be too sad. I did think you did a good job of expressing yourself though.
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A very strong write and very creative with the word bank. Emotional clarity in every line. A very good read.
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i agree that it is haunting, and beautifully so. this really forms the image nicely.
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The imagery is really good. Well done
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This is haunting and vivid.
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:)
wow this is like the oppisite of the poem i wrote about my mom! its very good tho
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ahh...I wish Alexa could experience this but that's ok. I love this poem, it's so beautiful and yet peacefully haunting. great write, can't want to keep reading more. PEace n' Love, JT
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i think that there is a lot of emotion in this poem. i think that you did a great job. I hope you win
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this was really good amy! thats a lot of points u can get. haha. i hope u get them =)
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its good , well written
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I think it should be "faux" not "foe"
I'm not sure about "I am entering the doorway" that line just doesn't really go with the flow of the poem.
Maybe change it to this *just a suggestion"
My mother passed away, [the cause, or it was]..an overdose of morphine.
Now, my heart,
is paralyzed,
simply wishing for her return
(in accordance to the next line, maybe use some imagery instead of saying "I see her" like maybe, you see her in your mind's eye, peripheral vision etc.
I see her standing under the willows
Her pretty pink, faux velvet robe
Wrapped around her beautiful body
my inspiration,
my muse,
is gone
I really enjoyed reading this! Wonderful.
Once you fix it up I know it's gonna win something! -
hmmm... I must say I love the wording but the flow for me is a little broken from line to line, but I do really like it. Thanks for entering, good luck!
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A fantastically sad and wonderful piece of poetry. Thank you for the invitation. The way we choose to tolerate life can truly be devastating only to finally escape. Great usage of chosen word bank prompts. Tears upon the page. Well done. Peace in light and love. Best wishes in life and the contest.
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I have already commented this one but alas i said if you entered i would comment, lol, still my favriot line is:
"I am waiting to enter the doorway,
Today I am terrified of that memory."
i really just can not get over the flop of emotion there it's pretty much amazing, thanks for entering the contest! and definitely good luck! -
i love your simile in the third line.. made me want to make some candy jusy to smell it.. i like it, i do, but i also find it too prose-esque..
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amazing.
its so beautifully gorrid almost reminds me of the way i felt when my father o.d on heoine. -
You also did a nice job on the word bank,plus your imagery is incredible! I could easily picture this as I read it --- good luck!
Tom -
Beautiful work with a word bank, great talent!
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that is very good and the way that you put it
good job -
amazing
It' is so incredibly sad but i love the transition of emotions its so incredibly intense
"I am waiting to enter the doorway,
Today I am terrified of that memory."
honestly these lines gave me chills, it makes me sad but god i just love the structure the flow and the intense feeling in the poem.
great job you truly have talent and you should definitely not give that up! -
Wrapped around her beautiful body
my inspiration,
Now is gone
this is really good i like it alot. good luck in the contest hope you win
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i think its more than well its great so dark but very well penned i give you a tumbs up for this with a Gold awesome your title is so catchy and the content so awesome
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This is my first word bank contest and i think it turned out well, what do you guys think, -Amy
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I agree this is showing a powerful message in the simplest words. The imagery i could see in scary detail.
Bravo!!!
great write although it saddened me!
Hugs
~Lisa~
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What a powerful write. I could smell, see, hear and feel in this poem. BRAVO!!
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Touching and quite heartfelt.
My mother takes ridiculas amounts of morphine regulary and it can be frightening for a child to have to see that and fear the enevitable.
Thank you for sharing.
This was lovely.
x
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beutulful poem mom ur an insperashon to me ur ap son
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