Shes losing herself
Piece by piece
Needing words of warm encouragement
Slowly losing her humanity
Bit by bit
Cracking glass
Looking back into the past
She needs some aid
A helping hand
She can't do it alone
Not now
Not ever
Shes lost her cause
Can't see her aim
Losing effort
Tired of finding the cure
The help she needed now so lost
She tipped
She's gone
Because of the compassion of the human race
She's saved just from friends in need
They truly were her friends indeed
But none can save her this time
She's choking on her own words of sorrow
Drowning in the lack of emotion
Of her voice
And she's beyond the care of all who knew
Destined not to tell another soul
Because of her own ignorance.
Author notes
I think it fits quite a few of the qoutes, but i wrote it for 30.
"Don't waste your touch. You won't feel anything. Or were you sent to save me?" -- "The Leaving Song, Pt. 2" by AFI.
like that song
and for those who I know will be concerned by it, it's not what it looks like.
x
In a list
A contest entry
- Prompt Contest. (A) by OhNoChastity.
600 points, ended April 6, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
In the note you said "and for those who I know will be concerned by it, it's not what it looks like." Because of this, I will assume that it's about someone who refuses to share themselves and just sinks so deeply inside of themselves they become nothing. In all honesty, I did understand this poem to be about suicide until I read the author's note. I think it's important, especially if you feel as though people could interpret it this way and you don't want them to, that you should hint more to it not being about suicide.
I think you captured the first two parts of the quote amazingly (that being the desperation and insecurity in the "waste of touch" and the cold isolationalist attitude of "you won't feel anything"). However, I would've liked to have seen more on the third part, because I feel like this is an important aspect of it--the need to believe and the hope that someone can help you when you're so far gone. You touched that slightly, but I didn't feel like it was enough. Without the quote, however, it matters little. I loved that you ended it with the girl just giving up. Deppressing, but in most cases, true...at least for a time.
I loved the line "tired of finding the cure". It's an incredibly sad line, and one I see often in depressed or hurting people. They are searching for something to help them (often someone) but it gets old quickly, and the disappointment in not finding it sucks almost as badly as just laying in bed and sulking. This poem questions which is better, being alone and deppressed, or being with friends and depressed.
In all reality, I think that's something that each person should answer on their own.
There is one couplet that bothered me. It goes "She's saved just from friends in need. They truly were her friends indeed." I was kind of drawn to this line because I'm not sure if you're familiar with the Placebo song "pure morning" but the line in it is "A friend in need's a friend indeed" and it's such an essential line in that song that it just reminded me of that far too much. However, that's a readers problem, it's up to you whether or not you deem it worthy of changing.
Thank you for entering this poem into my contest, and thank you for sharing with me. Keep writing and I hope to see you in another some day!
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