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Anemone

 

 

I

 

I carve into wood:

the wilting whistles

        (of windflowers),

wrapped in those words

winter wields.

 

 

 

II

 

Sage incense softens the mood -

         but still,

             a whimper echoes

          through voices

          that blew out the sky

     in December.

 

 

 

III

 

An oil painting forms

   on my iris -

A colourful reminder

       of those years,

       when seasons were reliable

   and anemone fields

    hypnotically danced

     with their beholder.

 

 

 

IV

 

Expectantly,

 

I wait for March

   to bloom into spring

 and scrub my eyes with salt

                till then.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

A poem in vignettes.


Quote-inspired:

"This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper" - T. S. Eliot

I took it completely out of context and gave it a metaphorical meaning.

Winter is the end of the world for fauna and flora, until spring comes back. Even though it is spring over here, it's too cold for the time of the year.
My parents have Anemones in their garden, and I remember them from former years, when they grew so graciously, while the cold (and rain) practically killed them this year.

The meaning of Anemone (or windflower) is basically 'forsaken' and also 'a dying hope'.

The whole poem is layered - so yah.


A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • princess of sporks
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    AWESOME!!!!! I absolutely love the format, like your words were blowing in the wind. Lovely vocabulary!


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is beautiful. I always love your words, and I thank you so much for entering the contest. Good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    June 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh I love this.


  • Cat10
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    thank you for entering! wonderfully written! throughly enjoyed reading this poem! you did a great job and good luck!

  • ecrivain01
    May 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This is a very good job ...

    but I really wonder about rubbing salt in your eyes. That seems very strange to me.

    Anyway, other than that, you've done very well with this.


    • leander Moderators member
      May 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well, I wanted to create the 'image' of drying the tears - as salt absorbs water
      I like to think out of the box (too much )

      Thank you for the comment and applaud

      • ecrivain01
        May 15, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Well, you succeeded ...

        as it's certainly "out of the box" -- light years out though.


  • LadyUnique silver member
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    as stated when i first commented... delicious and it's still delicious so does that make me hungry for more writing from you? me thinks so


  • Age of Rain
    May 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent start. You effortlessly (seeming) blend alliteration and assonance together with a breathy flow that slides off the tongue. Your second stanza was good, but my favorite image had to be in stanza three "oil painting...iris" Gorgeous. Normally the little chapter break ups of vignettes irritates me, but I have to say, yours just worked. You are an amazing poet. I will DEFINITELY be reading more of you!


  • crazymomma
    April 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is really amazing. Filled with vivid imagery and very well written.

  • celadia
    April 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is very original and beautiful.


  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Heheh. Love the descriptives.

    hypnotically danced
    with their beholder     How Great creation!

    An awesome and stellar write, my friend!:



  • Charity Ann
    April 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Um yeah, so apparently I can't read directions....GOLD!!!

  • Charity Ann
    April 22, 2008

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    Okay, I thought this was fantastic! It's truly one of the best pieces I've read in this competition. I especially like the alliteration in the first stanza. I also really like the quote. I like that the word anemone means forsaken or dying hope. This is a beautiful and sad poem and I love it! Good luck!!


  • LeanneBridgewater
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    greaaattt

    mostly loved your little emerged 'word play' in III.. iris and oil... i noticed how the use of W words at the start made an impact and made the W sense flow through.

    Leander - you are an amazing writer.. keep it up.. i want to read more of you!!

    && your mention of 'scrub' at the ending is making me want to watch scrubs so I willl... thankyou for temptation, pressure and art! xxxx


  • Randomly Beautiful
    April 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    No critique. This is lovely writing.


  • Caoimhes Sin
    April 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic!
    "sage incense softens..." this seems wonderfully out-of-place, but is essential, because it seems to take away a bit of the harshness. Apart from the alliteration, what especially struck me was the gritty, "scrub my eyes with salt", which was a stunning visual that has an affect of anticipation on the reader. This was really well written, I hope you do well in the contest and have a nice day!
    ~eva

  • Virgoan
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I am a big fan of well written vignettes and this is one of those poems. The third vignette is really powerful and can stand as a lone piece.

    The way you have transitioned from one part to another is breathtaking.

    Excellent write Sir

    Keep writing and thanks for sharing.


    HENSLEY


  • gaze
    April 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is simply enchanting!


  • Metaphorist
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I knew there was a reason you were on my favorites. And finally a poem that's not about snoring! lol. I loved it. Each vignette was wonderful on its own and even more so all taken in together.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing as always...the all alliteration and metaphor are beautiful...the depth and meaning shine through from beginning to end, carrying a soft sorrow upon it's back to the reader...excellent work.
    Best to you!


  • LadyUnique silver member
    April 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    delicious as i sit here waiting for spring


  • Nicolette gold member
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Now it's my turn to be the first one to comment on this beautiful poem, Leander!!

    You know how much I love flowers in poetry and how much I love your nature poetry - you definately are one of the best writers of nature poetry, my friend. Aaah yes, the anemone, the windflower (don't you just love that name..."windflower") - and in Afrikaans it's "anemoon" or "windblom".

    The vignette style works perfectly here (one of my favourite poetry forms too) and I loved each and everyone of them....but the first one must be my favourite one - some great alliteration there too.

    Loved this - I want to see more of these



    ~ Nicolette

    • leander Moderators member
      April 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you my dear friend
      I'm not that happy with it though, but that's me huh

      The 'Anemoon' or 'Windbloem' in Dutch is indeed such a beauty. It's meaning 'dying hope' fits completely with the quote in my opinion, so I couldn't withstand the temptation to use it

      Thanks again for your lovely comment

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