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The Queen and The Thistle

With light steps she paces,
traces memories
through gorse and heather
upon this hill, so still
it seems now...

Where once she met
the man she loved,
yet watched him fall
in battle not won, so sun
quit shining today...

Tunes from unseen melody
fill the ears within her mind
bedecked in silken robes
sword heavy in pleat, so neat
hilt against her hip girdle...

She laughs and cries,
within her mind
drums in time, her emerald eyes
grow misty sheen, so clean
focused on a thistle...

Lush copper hair
plaited in braids, so windy today
it whips about ermine trims,
overtunic of gold, so bold
scatters the gorse and heather...

Abundant and wild
prickly nuisance she is
so like the thistle
she held aloft, so soft
brilliant mind sublime...

Best and worst
she saw it firsthand
upon this fallow land
where aurochs graze, so dazed
hiding only a turnip or two...

She shakes her silenced grief,
down her cheek,
saline drips discreet
a thistle gets pressed, so stressed
in a letter addressed to a king...

Author notes

Inspired by the opening theme of Chapter 56; of "Shield Maiden: Daughter of The Heath" - by Denise L. Bennett

'aurochs'-a type of longhorn cattle -now extinct

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • JM Kenyon silver member
    December 30, 2008

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    Very beautiful imagery and an excellent use of rhyme, rhythm and sound manipulations to carry the reader from stanza to stanza so smoothly. A sad tale for sure.

    "watched him fall
    in a battle not won" stood out particularly for me. A hero all the same for the people he battled for and yet, there is futility when death happens in a battle that isn't won by those who've experienced loss.

    A very deep, penetrating write. s and best wishes always... ~Genie~

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    December 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful imagery and an excellent use of rhyme, rhythm and sound manipulations to carry the reader from stanza to stanza so smoothly. A sad tale for sure.

    "watched him fall
    in a battle not won" stood out particularly for me. A hero all the same for the people he battled for and yet, there is futility when death happens in a battle that isn't won by those who've experienced loss.

    A very deep, penetrating write. s and best wishes always... ~Genie~


  • IronMaiden1236
    December 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful!

    Amazing Imagery!!! Profound story giving respect to those ancient strong women!!!


  • BabyBun silver member
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This has a real nostalgia to it. It is written with gentle eloquence and a great deal of sensitivity. Beautiful work.


  • dustytiger
    November 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very nice poem, you have painted a picture with your words, wow, wonderful write


  • Shya
    June 11, 2008

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    It speaks lightly and has clear imagery. I like verses 1 and 4. I also like the rhymes. A good write.


  • Amera gold member
    June 4, 2008

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    I love when you take a story and run with it in verse. This is filled with wonferful imagery and motion. Well done!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • toomysterious
    April 25, 2008

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    Taken back in time with this one. Feel as though I am there with her, encased in her grief. This is exceptional.

  • piccola
    April 5, 2008

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    She shakes her silenced grief,
    down her cheek,
    saline drips discreet
    a thistle gets pressed, so stressed
    in a letter addressed to a king... beautiful. I think the saline drips down her cheek brilliant!


  • maralisa silver member
    April 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wonderful she laughs and cries within her mind drums in time her emerald eyes grow misty sheen so clean focased on a thistle down her cheek saline drips discreet thank you for sharing your poem with the group


  • RedAquarius gold member
    April 1, 2008

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    Quite a rich tale you've woven. The rhyme scheme was unique (at least so far that I've seen) and you merged a fantasy/contemporary feel together. It reminded me of one of my trips to Scotland, where I saw a field of thistles, it was quite pretty. Thanks for sharing this!


  • animated lies
    April 1, 2008

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    Really beautiful and imaginative imagery. The last stanza was definitely my favorite, as it leaves me thinking about how offended a king must have felt to receive a weedy thistle in a letter. I really liked the repetitive rhyme scheme of one line in each of the stanzas. This was very fantasy-based but yet it had a contemporary feel to it. Thanks for sharing this with the group.

    animated


    • Hetha
      April 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm glad you enjoyed it. I thought it would flow better if I did it this way. The king was quite offended by the letter. The thistle was a warning from her, likewise the words in the letter had even more chutzpah. "Shield Maiden" was based on a true story, about an actual Danish queen that lived. I won't ruin it though, I'll just get it published and let everyone read it for themselves.
      (It's in the works.. )


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Stunning Work

    I got lost in this piece of quite fantastic writing here. Very very imagery and deep and such flow of the words danced across the screen. Wonderful writing my Sister.

    Love always
    Wayne Leon
    x


  • timothy two shoes
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i could see and imagine everthing their with you thanks to your words of wonderful descriptions i enjoy this very much


  • urapns66
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this stanza:

    "With light steps she paces,
    traces memories
    through gorse and heather
    upon this hill, so still
    it seems now..."

    really though its like the first time i heard the Beatles it is really well written and i will definitely look forward to reading more of your work. a lot of times you find poems that have strong and weak points this poem on the other hand had strong points and stronger points, truly a pleasure to read. i hope that next time i have a contest you will consider entering. I'm fairly positive that you will do exceptionally well if this poem is any indication of things to come. well any way im rambling lol loved the write. good job!

  • lightwing
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You paint an excellent picture with your words, conveying emotion and scene easily to the reader.
    "saline drips discreet" I loved this line such an original choice of words.


  • poeticweaver gold member
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    You really have a way with captivating your readers.
    I liked this alot. You weave so wonderfully!

    Peace, Timothy


  • GrowlingBear
    April 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome

    So impressed by this work. Well done

1 - 19 of 19