attention,
do you need more?
attention, attention.
it is my fault,
so sorry.
attention, attention.
is this enough?
your right, Its not.
so sorry, let make it up to you.
attention, attention.
are you absolutely sure?
everyone needs some attention.
A contest entry
- Sweetie, This Is What Broken Looks Like. by Heartbeatsxfading.
600 points, ended May 20, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Everyone's not sure how much attention they actually need, it's either more or less, and it never satisfies really...i like
-
repetition of a key word can build your message are break it...I would say you were right on...Attention is needed by all in so many ways.And the never ending question, when is enough enough...thought provoking and thank you kindly for sharing
-
hmm
I know alot of people that "need" constant attention. I also like the word unfathomable. I can feel the anger seething underneath your words. Nice job- Jane
-
everyone needs some attention, its just that some think they need more than they do.
anyways, great poem!
-
-your right, Its not.
you're. it's.
-so sorry, let make it up to you.
let me.
-repetition is tricky. sometimes it works. sometimes it doesn't. i don't think it worked here. you could probably make it work with some revision.
-consider adding some imagery and such.
-
-
I just started writing. I really wasnt concerned if the repetition worked or not. Its more like a sample of an exchange with a partner.
Thanks for the feedback
-
-
Oh so true, and well said. The repetition is effective, I like this.
-
-
hey
thank you. I didn't think readers would understand it.
have a great day
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
