Undress my reality:
I leave it bare for you like wet twigs and chaos.
You wrap yourself around me like galaxies imploding in on themselves,
like red giants and black holes.
In the morning you kiss my eyelids
because we cannot put the daylight into words.
Our legs, intertwined, are like magic in the moments
that we cannot call anything
other than what we know.
Your lips are most red when I am dreaming,
when you are curled around me like dry leaves.
Your fingertips are mysteries that untie my skin;
your whispers are never secret.
Fingers twined through like laces,
your combat boots won't step on the cracks.
It was with vegan bread pudding that I first named you,
at midnight, laughing.
It was with grass stains on my knees and weeds in my hair
that I first found I loved you,
ready to shout it at strangers,
the duck pond a flurry of feathers and shuffling feet.
When we brought home mice,
when we found out they were lesbians,
we knew these were the children I would never birth.
On quiet nights,
I kiss you with my eyes open.
A contest entry
- An In-Depth Look Into Relationships by Theactoffailing.
600 points, ended April 1, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This was a VERY interesting piece. It had great metaphors and similes, although a few seemed out of place. And it could have done with out a couple of lines, (the combat boots and lesbian mice were too personal to your own situation) And if "red giants and black holes" meant what I think it did, that was very clever to transition into it by talking about the universe first. But mostly, he ending was absolutely brilliant. SO cute, fit the idea of the poem so well, and it was blunt and conclusive. Really great. Great poem.
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You said in the contest description that you wanted to know everything about these people and now you say it was too personal. Apparently I misunderstood what you were getting at.
And although "red giants and black holes" are literal astronomical terms, yes, there was something not-so-subtly sexual going on there.
Thanks for the comment.
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You are right. I posted this contest a while ago, and didn't remember all the details. So I apologize, but I should have specified physically descriptive and physical details. It was a great poem in any case.
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No reason to apologize. Your meaning was a bit vague, but I tend to shy away from physical descriptions for some reason, in any case. I get a lot of flack for it in my creative writing class.
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this is TOP notch AP writing; creative, contemplative, unemcumbered. It's a beautiful BEAUTIFUL piece.
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OH MY GOODNESS!!!
My favorite!! Awesome metaphors, witty wording, totally vivid with imagery!
Good Luck in the contest, I cannot imagine you not winning!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!!!
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