In these private moments
before dawn breaks, blazing
across the dewdrop morning,
I listen to ocean sounds and
breathe the air of a new day born
across the quiet surface of the sea,
…and I close my eyes while
remembering the way your salty tears
silently kissed my honey hair,
the way your breath bathed my skin
in the warmth of a thousands suns,
orbiting my nights like the moon
circles its spinning earth;
I sensed your sanctity, the peace drawn
upon the misty veil of your aura.
You brought me the universe,
held carefully in the palm of your hands,
and I marveled at how small it was
in comparison to what we shared,
as I brewed coffee and you sat quietly
in a bed that was our private Eden, and
watched my form as though it were a statue,
all delicate angles and soft crevices,
that your mindful hands had molded
and your heart had given breath…
In a list
A contest entry
- An In-Depth Look Into Relationships by Theactoffailing.
600 points, ended April 1, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is very lovely ...
and it is such a coincidence too, for I use tiny little stars in my workshops to put the universe ... in palms of hands ...
Myra
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This has such great describing words. You really knew what you were doing. I really can't criticize this at all, besides a couple things like, a slightly less than origional topic and maybe some cliche comparisons (a thousand suns), but no doubt a finalist, really really great poetry.
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Now this is the kind of poetry I like. Sure, some of the lnguage seems tired and uninspired, but stylistically it is superb. The flow is very nice, and the descriptive portions (the first stanza and end of the fourth) are especially good. A good way of tackling a done-to-death topic.
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