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Glass Menagerie

Water splashes on the throttle of the throat,
Spittle leaks from
pointed corners of bleeding mouths,
        Straight Jacket.
Let us wrap our arms around ourselves
and stand next to one another.
Gaping, drooping eyes will tell our stories
drool and roll into half-
Let us have this moment.


Author notes

"I am wonderful"

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • delayedscreening
    August 16, 2008

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    critique:

    the title doesn't match. don't recommend incongruent references. just because something it sounds cool, doesn't mean it's a good idea. it's misleading and hurts the writing. i like "let us have this moment" , but it's the only line you have in this that infers comfort... that this is a comfortable place for you. try romanticizing the rest to a certain seedy degree... keep "let us wrap our arms around ourselves"... this is good- but try not to spell everything out, engage your reader...


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    June 18, 2008
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    erm......huh??? O.o


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    June 17, 2008

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    wow you certainly have had this one in a number of contests. Thank you for sharing this with us. And thank you for following the rules of this contest. It was very well written. Good luck in my contest


  • NickelleteXninja
    June 13, 2008

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    I saw myself as the second person in this
    {though that Might sound Odd, I did}

    Thanks for entering
    It was a wonderful read


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    June 10, 2008
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    "Insanity is just anger put to good use." -Anon.

    Thought you might enjoy that.

    This almost reminded me of that movie, whose name I just blanked on, where the mental patients take over the asylum, one masquerading as the doctor in his plot to escape. It made me laugh more than anything else, but not a bad poem overall. Thanks for entering.

    Laura


  • BlackSwan
    June 9, 2008

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    I really did picture two people in an asylum very vividly with this poem. Really insane! x]

    -GL in contest


  • theworldisquiethere
    June 7, 2008

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    WOW

    This poem really struck me. Especially this line: "Let us wrap our arms around ourselves
    and stand next to one another." very powerful!

    great job


  • fakeport
    June 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A very nice take on insanity, thanks a lot for your entry.


  • Lotus-Mama
    June 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love it Nicely pennend!


  • Poetdontknowit
    June 6, 2008

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    HMMMMMM

    I simply adore the title! And strangely enough, insanity is my most favorite subject to pen about. Being a bi-polar poet myself, boy can I relate to this little diddy. Brilliant concept, and the imagery made me feel like I was right there in that straightjacket. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. lol I give you a double A+ for this fine piece of poetic royalty!
    CUDOS
    POETDONTKNOWIT
    WRITING IT HER WAY


  • Whispered Secrets
    May 5, 2008

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    I would think the person isn't bleeding from their mouth...`but yes.

    Pondering who makes insanity and sanity limits because there's a thought that maybe the insane aren't insane.

    Maybe we're insane.
    Never know.
    it's your own morals.

    I like the section about eyes; drool and roll into half I didn't understand well.

    "Let us have this moment" can mean a lot of things-- peace?

    Whispered Secrets.

  • luvdrkchocolate
    April 6, 2008

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    Oh. This is another interesting poem that I have found on the featured today. Seems like spring is opening people up to more interesting expression. I liked all the metaphors that you had going on in this and the way that it was short and impactful. I thought you did a good job with the quote that you were working off of.

  • OhNoChastity
    April 6, 2008

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    In all honesty.

    I don't understand this poem.

    Maybe I'm letting the prompt lock me in too much. I believe this has to do with insanity from the reference to straight jackets, but, what about insanity? It seems almost bonding in my eyes, not destructional at all, which is what the prompt implied.

    I could be wrong, however. As I said, I don't much understand it.

  • Eusebius
    April 2, 2008

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    Weird, wierd, dark, arcane stuff here, indeed! Short but accomplishes its purpose, no doubt, nicely.... bravo... bravo...

1 - 14 of 14