My body rests
beside the lake,
I listen.
And hear,
very quiet almost silent,
gentle lapping
of water
against broken bricks.
That soft sound
caresses and massages
my soul
into a state of peace,
muting my thoughts
and questions.
Matthew
March 9, 2008
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
It's been forever since I've been on the shores of a lake. Water has a way of expressing the various degrees of peace and tempest within our psyches, and this sounds heavenly to breathe in being midst the fragmented races we run mentally.
I can almost drift in the silence, too. ~ K
-
humm
This one I thought was a little two broken up. the end of each line sort of gives you a pause in some lines i liked the enfasis but there were one or two I thought might have sounded better with out the break. like ...
"very quiet almost silient" I would sound better on one line. same with " into a state of peace" just a thought to improve the flow. Still a good poem Keep up the good work please. I love reading them.
-
-
Thank you very much for your comment and I really like your suggestions, I'm have changes my poem to what you recommended, I totally agree with you, I did notice the flow did seem a little off, but I didn't know how exactly it was and how I could fix it. Thanks again.
-
-
Your imagery is excellent and puts the reader beside the lake calming their thoughts as well as yours.
All the best in the contest...
Sue
-
Beautiful! Maybe that's what I need to do.. just lie by the water and let the sounds wash over me and relax my worried mind!
Isn't it amazing how nature can give us peace! Love this!
-
Very nice poem!
If you live on the lake, enjoy the peace while we have it. Summer is almost here.
-
It was unfettered- the words were just what was needed to set the scene and guided the imagination to the moment, and leaving just slight ambiguity and mystery concerning what is troubling the speaker, if any.
Tawakoni in Texas, right? Seems like a nice place.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
