This fits me like someone else’s shoes
As comfortable as crust punk in the blues
As harmonious as F and F sharp
Heartwarming, like a dying man’s laugh
The heights to which we could soar
Slip quietly out the back door
Clouds locked too tightly to force
Let’s just allow the river its course
Pulling imagery from the back of the head
Just deep enough that it can’t be fed
The brain breathes, seethes to belch
In the dark I become someone else
The shallow depth projected from ruby lips
Was lost in the infinite dark of a solar eclipse
Proof is the ultimate mover and shaker
Percent concentration creator and unmaker
Seek the truth and the truth will set you free
Lies however, are easier to be
Unconsciousness is the final end all
And true freedom is the ability to fall
A contest entry
- Best poet tournament bones style by bones7.
425 points, ended April 13, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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nicely written, the rhyme scheme is very creative and original as is the message, overall a great poem and atmosphere, good job
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I agree with the person below me. that line really is amazing. I like how you worded everything, how you described everything. great write! keep up the wonderful work!
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Heartwarming, like a dying man’s laugh--this line is so opposed to itself that it is chilling. I liked how only half of the first stanza was rhyming. It added to the discord of your words. I would have liked to see this pattern followed throughout. The first stanza is amazing, making me want to learn what you are describing, but you never land on something concrete. Just vague references to lost love. Your awesome metaphors would benefit from something solid to be compared to.
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I'm describing getting drunk
though it is slightly ambiguous
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Seek the truth and the truth will set you free
Lies however, are easier to be
Unconsciousness is the final end all
And true freedom is the ability to fall
This last stanza really makes you think. I really like this as a whole! It is a great write! Keep up the good work!!
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that was a very good write I enjoyed it a lot
Clouds locked too tightly to force
Let’s just allow the river its course
great lines... you said a lot right there.. Loved it
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incredible job, like I said before.
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This is great,It feels sorta philosophical,Which I'm really big in writing stuff like that.
Some of the images and metaphors are great.
"Heartwarming, like a dying man’s laugh"
That is great
And then just about the rest of the poem is too.lol
Great job.
Welcome to my contest poet.
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thanks a lot
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