The water simmered slowly
as it brewed the hobo coffee
in the speckled blue pot.
Seasoned, as the unshaven men
who sat around the glow
of nights dying embers.
In a ring, built of river stone
down the hill, from the tracks.
Not one of them spoke.
They found comfort in silence
as they listened to the crickets
and the creatures of the night.
Nature was their companion
and a constant reminder
of their status as exiles.
The unwanted misfits
that society looked through…
with cold uncaring
indifferent blind eyes.
Coffee poured,
they stoked up the fire
to warm the parts of their body
the coffee couldn’t reach.
They patiently waited
as the grounds spiraled down
to the bottom of their cups.
Black coffee and cigarettes.
the tactile sensation
of a simple reality…
Held far more value
then the hypnotic slime
being fed to the masses,
by a media they believed in
and reverently praised.
Freedoms black coffee
and a bag of tobacco
sitting silent by the fire
with like minded friends.
Author notes
In my younger years there were many nights, when I found myself sitting around a river stone campfire drinking Hobo coffee and sleeping under the stars.
B L U E S M A N
In a list
A contest entry
- My heart sinks as My tears drown by NickelleteXninja.
850 points, ended April 4, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Grind of A Malfunctioning System by andywontdie.
450 points, ended April 29, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blame it on society. by abyssal.
475 points, ended May 10, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Three Pre-writes by piccola.
800 points, ended November 27, 2008, 140 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Itaz Anudder Kontest by lindaburns.
2110 points, ended March 3, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FREEDOM & LIBERTY by Jason-R-Britt.
550 points, ended April 29, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Thanks for entering!
I liked this poem, it just wasn't my style. I did love the idea of "the places the coffee couldn't reach", and it made me reconsider my easy lifestyle, which was new. Brilliant write but I'm sure you'll understand that some people's styles are too different? Keep writing though, or if you've got some differently written work, let me know and I'd love to read it!
Good luck; -
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Sure, just go to my page. I have a catagory list with ove 600 poems ranging from love to horror and all points in-between.
Bill
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This is a neat idea, and you obviously won all those other trophies for a reason, but I still can't quite put my finger on why it didn't do anything for me. Maybe it's because I'm in a bit of a strange mood today...
This may be a finalist. It may not. We'll see.
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Mmm...coffee and cigarettes.....
Thanks for entering! -
I like the way you have appealed to all of the senses it was a delight to read, especially the first stanza where you have conentrated on the idea of light and colour it is a very powerful poem that hold a lot more meaning then you see on the surface good work!
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This is a very interesting story, and I love the way you told it. I guess there are some social misfits that would take pleasure in sitting around homelessly with their like minded friends. I've never thought of that as a peaceful existance but there are some that do. Very interesting perception of peace. Thank you
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I like the story behind this, and feel it portrays alot of mysticism behind homelessness. The freedom to be out under the stars, listening to crickets with no care in the world, no job to get to, no rent to pay. I have been here in my life and never felt more free than during those days. Congratulations, you made the finalists, good luck in the contest.
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A simple, yet rich life. You paint an appealing scene.
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o i would love to do that! it sounds amazing, one of the things i want to do when i finish school is walk the east coast and just sleep on the beach. idk if i'll actually end up doing it or not but i think it would be great. nice write, i enjoyed it, thanks for entering
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Great imagery, I could smell the coffee,and was waiting my turn for a draw on one of those cigarettes,superb write
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Wow, this was amazing.
So much genuinity within
and reminded me of days
in the past where i'd delight
in the same.
Beautiful write
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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Homelessness is a very severe problem of today. And it could be easily fixed if we could move away from the outdated idea of money.
Very good poem.
Thanks for the entry and good luck! -
A wonderful write my friend, a simple life, who is to say not the better one.
Best Wishes
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(Please checked the spelling of “spiralled”.)
Heaven Help me, if the best coffee I
ever had wasn’t made with Black Bayou swamp water served with purloined
eggs and white bread cooked over an open fire in 1961. I have STILL never tasted anything so satisfying. (Then they caught us and sent me home to my Mama. But that’s another story.) I like your presentation, story and spirit here. It rings true. Good work.
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I really like this. thank you for entering.
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This reminds me of when my middle school had a "field trip" to the soup kitchen and to places where the poor would sleep in Downtown Greenville. That was years ago, but it still hits me everytime I think about it, and this piece certainly brought it back to mind.
Wonderful descriptions, and a good even flow. I really enjoyed the meaning in this one. A great write, keep up the good work! -
Black coffee and cigarettes.
the tactile sensation
of a simple reality…
Held far more value
then the hypnotic slime
being fed to the masses.
By a media they believed in
and reverently praised.
Freedoms black coffee
and a bag of tobacco.
Sitting silent by the fire
with like minded friends.
thats my favorite part ^^^^
good luck in my contest :] -
Very well written and thank you for entering. best of luck!
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Commentary Critique
In a way, I sort of get what you are saying but the way some of the stanzas are/were constructed, they felt a bit jumbled up together. Take for instance, stanza five....
The period was unseemingly placed there when it was un-needed- unneccesary when the obviousness of the continuation was there. Hence by removing that punctuation- even using a syntax (hyphen) as a means of pausing, for that break.
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They stoked up the fire to warm the parts of their body the coffee couldn't reach.
This was wonderful, and I can relate to the homeless part of it,
Beautiful and full of emotion.
Bravo!
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Congrats... both a statement on the world today and a statement of life's simple pleasures... wrapped up wonderfully in this poem... powerful imagery.
Peace
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Thank you for the wonderful comment. For a time, in my youth, I was one of those people sitting around the fire. The character in a man is built on moments like that. Bill
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Congrats on the trophies. This is filled with brilliant imagery that lets the reader into a very special world. I wonder if you really have acquaintance with that world? If not you still write about it as if you do. Thank you for entering.
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In my younger years there were many nights, when I found myself sitting around sitting around a river stone campfire drinking Hobo coffee and sleeping under the stars. Thank you for the wonderful comment. Bill
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You paint a vivid scene with your words in this piece. It brings to mind what I imagined happened during the Great Depression. This is a very good poem, but I will have to remove it, since it has already been entered in other contests, and I'm asking for mavericks. Please feel welcome to enter another, though.
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Some would say that this is not a life, but you have made us feel that the hobo's have something many stay at homes could latch on to and still have what they work so hard to acquire, Something different by way of a read and I enjoyed every line.
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'as it brewed the hobo coffee
in the speckled blue pot. "
-Couldn't help by giggle.
"Black coffee and cigarettes.
the tactile sensation
of a simple reality…
Held far more value
then the hypnotic slime
being fed to the masses.
By a media they believed in
and reverently praised."
-My favorite stanza.
Thank you for entering and good luck :}
♥
~Princess of Shadows~ -
sad but well written. i like its apparent simplicity and the imagery/description is really vivid.
thanks for entering. -
You might want to reread line 6 of stanza four. It should be "spiraled," not "spirald." Well, I personally like it. It fits what I wanted. i would like it even more, though, if it was written from your point of view. I am looking for personal writes here. On that note, however, it sheds light on an issue most of us like to look away from. Homeless people are exiled in society, and very rarely do they get help. this is well written and i thank you for entering it in my contest!
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Vivid viausl images you have shared through the words useed in these lines; sad situation, these men and their lives, yet you have brought them forefront and made them interesting during this poem.
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sad
sad but effective write for the prompt . . liked "Seasoned, as the unshavened men" and "the tactile sensation of a simple reality" . . don't forget your spelling check !! . . congrats on the trophies . .
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wow. first of all, thanks for entering. i really enjoyed this. it told a story. however, this expressed your views on the world nonetheless. i personally don't agree with your perception of freedom, but that's just me. maybe if you want to know, i'll tell you mine. but anyway, thanks for entering. best of luck and good write.
~MRH~ -
Just a quick comment to say thanks for entering this into my contest, sorry you didnt win but obviously there can only be three trophies given, which is a shame cause in this contest there deserved to be alot more winners! xxx
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Wow. This was good, and different. Thanks for the entry.
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This is pretty impressive and I like the set up and the way you wrote this. It is by far the most relevant I have read in the contest yet and that surprising seeing as it is a prewrite. Thanks for your entry and best of luck in the contest.
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This is such a reality. I know that I felt sorry for this homeless man that I seen a few weeks back, who spilled him pretzels everywhere, and the visual still isn't out of my mind. I can really see how they must feel, how people look at them, and come to a conclusion about them before they ever even say hello to them. My favorite part is:
"who sat around the glow
of nights dieing embers.
In a ring, built of river stone
down the hill, from the tracks.
Not one of them spoke.
They found comfort in silence"
It's such a beautiful visual.
Thankyouu and good luck in my contest.
-Dana.
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I am speechless
this is a beautiful poem
and very inspirational
thank you so much for entering
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