There was something in the fog
dripping
like ghost water,
drowning in the apparitions of tomorrow
that I found myself
ordering the rope
tied around my neck
toward,
and with strength
I drank from all oceans, I moved
by promiscuousness.
It’s hands were dirty
and greyed,
but appeared to be leading
the fog who clung white;
It’s bones creaking
to the noise of old bark trees
falling
as it lived for the rope,
but missed.
It’s screams shrank
as he caved in,
disappointments falling
as dirt.
His face flashed quickly,
and I saw
my own black eyes
before we disappeared,
the fog consuming us.
The ground stopped thinking.
A contest entry
- Ultimate Poet - Round 1 by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended April 2, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is very strong. The only thing I noticed is that in a couple spots I feel there a few unneccesary words there that if removed could tighten it up a bit. But overall, yes, I do like this alot
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this is deep and powerful and the whole effect of wham could be felt throughout it as it does have a personal feel within your words. well done
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this is a truly amazing poem. the first stanza has some truly striking imagery & it works its way down through the entire piece. nice work!
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I had to look up 'doppelganger' in the dictionary, but I think that was really clever, especially for a title. I like good titles.
The way you worded this was like WHAM! PAM! when I was reading this. It really let us look into your life. The last line 'the ground stopped thinking' was amazing and left the reader with a mysterious air about them.
If you can't already tell, I loved this.
~Cassie
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Hmmm nicely done here, very expressive. I like the way you took this and I adore the word doppledanger, it's really mystic in my eyes. Nice look into the world of Ryan
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