My Secret Heartbeat

I sat up thinking this morning
"Why don't I just come clean?"
It would be a load off my mind
If you knew everything

But the results of that one action
Would be oh so severe
I know every possible outcome
That's why I live in fear

First I risk our friendship
If you don't feel the same
I'd lose someone special and
I'd be the one to blame

But even if you liked me
The both of us would have to wait
And how confusing that'd be!
Who knows where that'd throw our fate?

And third, you've got a girlfried
That pains me all the more
If word got out about this
It'd be just like before

When your girlfriend thought I liked you
Some haven't spoken to me since
And even after you broke up
I've had to live in suspense

I never knew if someone told you
It was a new guess every day
And somehow I survived the drama
Living in this horrible way

Then it all occured to me
Why this is such a big deal
No one should have ever known
That so much, for you, I feel

Because I'm still young...

There's plenty of time
For word to get out
But for this moment
I could live without...

Because you were my first crush...

And I should've known right then
I would never call you mine
This's what they call "puppy love"
And still I mistook the signs...

Because you were never meant to know...

This secret's like my heartbeat
For it keeps my whole life straight
Now that I've messed all that up
I guess it's all up to fate