I said it wouldn't
ever change me-
not ever, and
your weather
was a bad
hurricane.
You were
less than sane
after a night
of drinking
and sneaking
past doctor's orders
to sleep.
we would eat
eggs days
in a row,
scrambled and
cold and halfway
raw. We were never
the law's biggest
fans.
But it wasn't
our plan to
end up in
a cell or
together or
alone for
that matter.
I wasn't too
flattering in
our cedar-block
prison with
a man that had
risen three
days later.
Not for real
but in my
mind we were
happy all the time
and crime
was the leprosy
we carried.
We were married
in a little
blue church
where the women
always wore
dresses. The
messes we made
were many
and the shit
was good and plenty
and we learned
the hard way
that love was
sometimes not.
Author notes
khourey
In a list
A contest entry
- raw by lalaland024.
3006 points, ended April 3, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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this is what i'm looking for- extremely raw but still thought out and intense to read-but not too intense. loved it-
thanks for entering -
yes yes yes the egg part was my favorite after um
the dresses and church part.
very raw, very you
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Wow! I love how you've made such a serious, raw, and deep poem rhyme internally so much and well. I like the solid, concrete images, and how they make up a story... I love the title, nice allusion to the book, also sort of continued with "I said it wouldn't/ever change me-". This poem makes me think of Easter... It sounds a bit like a rant against religion, or against what religion has become, as if you felt imprisoned in some system of beliefs not your own. Also, I like the love story motif... or maybe that's the theme and religion/society is just a motif. It also seems to talk about a love that's not there (anymore?), how you can feel so tied up in marriage... Combining these two, I wonder if maybe this is about a couple who are very religious and that's the only reason they can't divorce. This poem alternates every-day life detail with profound, dark conclusions about the world, such as the ending, and I think that makes it all very powerful. This piece feels so complex, I just adore it!
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Thanks so much for your comment Di. I do every now and then rant against religion a little bit. Not that I'm against it, but it causes so much annoyance sometimes. Yes, it is definatly about a marriage the couple considers a prison they can't get out of. I'm glad it made sense to you. I appeciate your support as always.
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