The smile on your face hangs crooked
Like a picture of impressionistic tone
I don’t mistake you for a painter
Just a liar who splats the paint on his canvas
And asks me to tell him what I would name it
I would trace the traces of the smile on his face
With the palms and fingers of my hands I would
Erase it. I would deface it. I would face it.
I would call it a lie. Impressionistic.
I need no interpreter for the grin.
I need not know the origin or the happiness within.
I need not know the fakeness of the smirk that slides
From side to side. Gliding off the face to hide.
I need no mirror to see my own tone.
I can hear it. You see it.
Your painted splatters always look and feel the same.
My splatters wax and wane and fade.
Canvas after canvas I have made.
Is a masterpiece ever just one work or word?
Is a lie the masterpiece of the absurd?
Is that grin—that smirk that slides and glides
And dribbles and quibbles and falls upon and off your face
A masterpiece? Deface. Deface.
Rub off the paint that makes me think you a liar.
Rub it off. Leave and take the mirrors.
Take your paintbrush, your canvas, too.
Do not loom and leer about the room.
The impressionistic grin has not been sold….
Not to me…
But alas, to auction bidder fifty-three.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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wow
i think this is very nicely written!
i got confused
but it kept me in tact by the rythm of the poem
the "beat" was nice
great job
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This is a very interesting poem I like it alot!
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Hmmm...
Your rhyme scheme confused me a little. The last two stanzas seem to have a completely different tone. The first four have a very witty,quicky, almost snappy feel that caught my attention right away. But for the last two I feel as though you strayed a little. It was just as good as the beginning, but it had a different reading feel, I broke out of the meter I was reading it in before.
It went from being cynical and quick, to feeling really angry simply due to the two questions at the beginning of stanza five. Perhaps because these were the first two questions you posed in the work they felt accusing.
I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope you go over it yourself and read it outloud. Maybe you'll see what I mean.
But overall, the idea is brilliant. It's great to read original work.
Keep up the great writing! -
Hmmm... I love this idea. It's very original, and I'm glad that I read it.. I don't prefer longer writes.. but this was very interestingly done... Some of the internal rhyme was just like... ugh... But, you really pulled it off... This is really a masterpiece.. I love your ideas... your language... everything!
wonderful!!!
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this piece is absolutley wonderful!! i really really enjoyed reading it!
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I think this is a damned ...
good poem. I'd suggest two changes though:
I would trace the traces of the smile on his face (I'd trace the lines of the smile on his face)
and here:
Is that grin—that smirk the slides and glides (that smirk that slides and glides)
Otherwise, this is perfect in my opinion.
Good job.
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A good read! I like the rhyme and flow. It seems very emotional.It was well written abd has no errors that I could tell. You used creative words to express your feelings and it has paid off! Good work ^_^
Emma
Check out my poetry! My name is I-Love-Donegal
Thanx and keep up the good work*_*
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