Some rays of colors drift into my mind
sending me into a deep slumber.
As I am pledged with a rainbow of thoughts
flowing deep into my subconscious.
Deeper I go into the land of dreams.
Walking slowly upon the beach
over and over again I follow my footprints.
My feet start to sink into the sand
slowly I am being swallowed by the abyss.
Then all the colors disappear amongst the realm.
Leaving the darkness orbiting my mind.
The silence begins to haunt my soul
instilling loneliness and fear.
Darkness makes me lose my senses
I weep amongst my self,
cries echoing within the silence.
I feel the pounding of my heart
like drums beating upon my throat.
Then my cries are silent,
my body feels weightless as in limbo.
My thoughts are blank, my tears are no more.
Am I dead? I ask my self,
is this what heaven looks like?
The echoing returns of that
that once were my cries.
I open my eyes slowly awaking
Revived to see the light once more
and the colors of the rainbow.
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites!! Send em on over! by perfectsunset.
800 points, ended July 2, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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you are realy goo
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Aww this was beautiful! So full of dark imagery and deep thoughts.
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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Amazing Piece!
Bravo, another excellent penned piece..
Much love my friend, Timothy
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Congratulations on making it to the next round.
Look forward to seeing you there.
Warm thoughts.
Frozentearz -
Definitely great.I see you are exploring a different side now.Ad I think this is perfection.I cant choose which of your poetry is great because they are all, but this is wonderful.It seems as if you have reached inside and pulled the very essence of yourself.Once agan great write . You inspire me.
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9pts...
Thank you for this wonderful contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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A marvelous poem defining a journey starting with color going through darkness and ending back in color and light, well written and beutifull evoking emotional responses deep within me. If there is something wrong with it than I am too silly and inexperienced to know what it is.
May the stars light your path through darkness.
DarkWind
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Well it is a fine write...but I don't know, maybe its only me who feels that it is bit over done...some phrases are exceptionally nice but they make it a bit abstract too...but maybe its only me. Thanks for sharing...
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Wow - this is an amazing poem... The only thing that I didn't like is that a couple of time where you have 'my self' it should be 'myself' - just one word... I like the imagery you use
beautifully written - I wish you the best in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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Great write Poet. I loved these lines..
Darkness makes me lose my senses
I weep amongst my self,
cries echoing within the silence.
I feel the pounding of my heart
like drums beating upon my throat.
Sort of had the "oh yes I know how that feels" feels about it. I weep amongst myself tonight...
Simon
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There have been many times when I have been beyond relieved that "all that [I] see or seem is but a dream within a dream . . ." to borrow Poe's words. Usually after such, I am unsettled until I can replace that dream with another. Excellent imagery!
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This piece has emotion, volumes of emotion. Thank you for sharing it with me and with all of us. Best of luck in the contest.
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Dreams fade quickly but every now and then one hangs around, but are best put aside I think, this flowes well and held my interest to the last.
"amongst oneself" you might like to try --within for a change and see if you like it
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Quite very haunting but interesting from top to bottom. Got me gripped till some relief comes at the end. I love how you have amazingly penned the last two lines. Beautiful!
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Darkness make me loss my senses and Them my cries are silent, are two misspelling I picked up. But otherwise it's a good poem.
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Wow. Eerie man. Creepy because I've had dreams like this. *shivers* blah. It was REALLY very good. Good luck in the contest. The picture fits perfectly with the poem. I think my two favorite lines are
"The echoing returns of that
that once were my cries"
This was VERY good.
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Nice!
So dramatic & so haunting, Mom. Love how you captured the image of that picture. Fine words, Mom.
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wow, mom!
this was by far my favorite of yours (though i still have more of your to read). this was so powerful and full of brilliant imagery. it was very easy to fall into the existence of the speaker here, and i tell you, again, this was awesome and great!!! i loved every line of it!!! BRAVO!!
your daughter,
R
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