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What is the Password?

All day and night
I hear you knocking.
Trying to enter
the door I'm locking.

None shall enter,
not even you;
Until I know
intentions true.

Hunger never had
a stronger hold,
like a pirate
hunting gold.

We ache inside
for the other:
a growing fire
that's hard to smother.

But my burnt heart
cries out "Nay,
don't give in,
vagabond's prey."

Itching for the
pot be stirred.
I crave for you
to say the word.

Author notes

PROMPT: Describe want. Tease it forward toward the reader make them touch the very flesh of it but do not use the word not even once in the body of your Want.

In a list

A contest entry

I long for your opinion...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • fantasysmurf
    March 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Meh...

    Fixed the spelling.  Thank you for your comment. To reply:


    "Your last verse does not work for me at all. "Itching for the pot be stirred." "I crave for you to say the word." What word, let me in? let me out? Show me please."...


    The first is a euphemism for sex,
    the second is supposed to leave you thinking what the word may possibly be.  (Notice the title?)        Makes you think...

    Decide for yourself what the word is mate!

     

    It may be technically missing the gold, but I still enjoyed writing it for your contest - it is a good one.  I will let all comments speak for themselves.  Cheers, honestly appreciated


  • ErrantHeart
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The Password is do not pass go do not collect gold.

    This is cute and all, but it seems you've grabbed hold of some easy rhyme and flung with it.

    I want to feel your want, not see your rhyme.

    Plus you've misspelled vagabond. And this verse leads me to believe your want is more of an I don't want.

    Your last verse does not work for me at all. "Itching for the pot be stirred." "I crave for you to say the word." What word, let me in? let me out? Show me please.

    Rhyme can be wonderful, if stretched for a little, not grabbed at from under your nose.

    You're settling for the rhyme when I want the want.


  • Lotus-Mama
    March 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!

    You hit the nail on the head, my friend!!! Good Luck!