I live to taste the acid
burning in my throat
and enthrone the royal
gutter desires
of jutting hipbones
and sunken eyes.
My purpose in breathing
corroded breaths:
to turn heads
with whispers
of
“anorexia.”
They’re jealous of
my skeletal (near) perfection,
my steadfast denial
of caloric disaster.
((Or do they think I’m
just not thin enough,
and the pounds melting off
will never suffice?
I’ll show them.))
Almost there,
too late to stop now,
I dream of
ninety-eight.
Author notes
98 pounds was my goal weight for a while this summer. I guess I miss those days (of being thin, even if never thin enough in my eyes)... I shouldn't... but I do.
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Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Such an amazing poem! My favorite part was the first stanza. I can relate to how you feel. I have an eating disorder too; bulimia. Anyway great job with the poem!! Great work!!
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"I live to taste the acid
burning in my throat
and enthrone the royal
gutter desires
of jutting hipbones
and sunken eyes."
I love the way you describe things, I really really do.
Lovely <3
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Beautiful and inspiring x
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this is wonderful. very well written.
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i loved this poem. 98 is my goal weight right now, and i have been losing weight.
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aww hun.... take care of yourself ♥ be careful!
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Loved it. I know what it feels like to have people whisper about you when you walk by. Anyway, good job.
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I honestly don't care about you. So I can't write about how your poem made me cry or even sad. But this is an amazing piece of literature. Far beyond anything I've read in a while... The way you've written everything it seems so though out and seems like a piece of art, even.
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so emotional i literally felt your distress in the words that you wrote. good job
"stay golden"
gabi
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I do like this. Love the metaphors, description & imagery. I admire the way you manage your urges. It's true that it never leaves you forever, but you can get to a stage where you forget it's there - for a while. My strength goes out to you to keep it there x
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poignant and emotional. beauty in truth, my dear. I FEEL YOU!
xRAYEx
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i like it. mostly cause i can relate.
though it is true the first statement sounds like bulimia. but i liked it and really dont care. really powerful subject. good job
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I think you have the subject of this mixed up anorexia is when you don't eat and i think you were going for beliuma in this? thought i would point that out, but this is a great write and i think that no matter how much we try to be thin your mind will just keep telling you that you're not thin enough and it'll make you do more to loose weight even though you are almost wasteing away. no one should live like this and thanks for sharing.
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some anorexics also purge...
The reason my eating disorder pieces tend to be an ana-mia mix was that I was never either strictly ana or mia, I had symptoms of both. :/
thanks for commenting!! -
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yeah i forgot about that...
Oh I see. I've had symptoms of being ana, but I never purged. I hope you don't do this anymore, because I've seen/heard about girls who are ana and mia that have died or came close to dying from it.
Your welcome. -
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I no longer starve myself, no more 3-hour workouts either, or anything like that... :/ Psychologically, I'm still whatever I used to be, but I don't act upon my urges anymore.
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workingout isnt bad? why did you stop?
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There's nothing wrong with working out, I still do that plenty lol (though not as much as I need to--just don't have time :/ ). Excessive working out is often a part of eating disorders though (it can be used as a form of purging), and in my case it was the main and most damaging part. If you've had an eating disorder you might know what it's like-- feeling the complete and total compulsion to get on the treadmill and exercise until you've gotten rid of all the calories, being unable to bear it if you don't. And working out, pushing yourself until you're about to faint because you've hardly eaten all day and humans aren't meant to burn as many calories as you have in half an hour. It wasn't "normal" working out for me back then, it was literally an addiction.
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i do im usually working out i go to track from 3 to 4 and swimming from 4 to 60 or 8 then i go home and feel like i still have to exercizee.. i was just recently dignoised ut i did know that about working out is bad? :/
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aww I'm sorry you're going through this hun :/
I know what it's like when you're just starting to figure out what you've been doing to yourself. There's definitely wrong with exercise, it's just when it's an addiction that you know is hurting you that it gets bad. -
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well it doesn't nessescarly hurt me?.?.? i just like to work out.. i want to be in goodddd shapee...and it burns calories and i know im burning more calories than i intake...
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what hurts someone is pretty relative. I'm still having some health issues because of what I did back then, but it depends largely on the person. And yah it does help you lose weight.... but then again that's not always a good thing. Exercise and weight loss in general are fine and are actually great for you, but when taken to extremes they can really screw you over. :/ Don't stop working out or anything like that, but if you ever feel like you're out of control of what you do as far as exercise is concerned, or like it's taking over your life, you should be careful.
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idk if it is.. all i know is that i dont want to talk to a nutrisnt or a councilor but thats what my mom wants me to done and i so totalyy dont wantt to. somtimes swim workouts do.. but that seasons over.. i would do intensive workouts by choice not even with my real coach from about 3 to 830 or 9 at night....
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5 hours is pretty excessive... I know talking to a nutritionist doesn't sound that enjoyable, but it's really not a bad idea whether or not you actually have an eating disorder. Without knowing you it's impossible to know what your workouts are like or whether they're unhealthy or just challenging. But a nutritionist who talks to you will be able to figure that out, and if she doesn't feel like you're doing anything unhealthy, it's still not a bad idea to talk to her and make sure you're getting all the nutrition you need etc since doing that much exercise does put some demands on your body. It sounds like your mother cares about you a lot and wants to make sure you're doing okay-- keep in mind that our perceptions of ourselves and what we're doing aren't always completely accurate. Sometimes you have to at least take into account what the people who know you well are saying, and if they're worried about you, it's a good sign you should at least look at what you're doing. Try not to worry about the nutritionist/councilor thing.
Have you talked to your mom about the eating/exercising? If she thinks you should see a councilor, she's probably seen something that worries her and it might not be a bad idea to at least hear her side of it. -
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she heard me gage myself.... my doctor basicly dignosed it she thinks im depressed to.. and i think i get enough food.. maybe to much but reality im only eating once a day half my dinner.. if that...
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I must say this is the best poem I've ever read on the subject
I've never been anorexic...at least not how it's traditionally defined. I've been much too skinny before but not because I was trying to.
Thanks for sharing your experiences with this issue. I hope you see that this is no way to live because your mind will tell you that no matter how thin you are, you'll never be thin enough.
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Powerful theme you got here!
Well, I can agree with you on this partly:
It was hurting when people taps me on the shoulder
and asks 'Are you anorexic?'
Seriously, I know I'm slim (slim sounds better don't you think? =P) but you don't have to push that fact harshly.
and yeah, only partly, since we should all be proud of our weight no matter what ^^
Nevertheless, I find this quite a unique piece and great pride you got to show in this write =]
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You make it sound like if you were hating your goal, a nice satire of what anorexia does to people. And the worst part... why were you doing it for? I see no purpose but solely pride... well written.
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Most people whisper out of pity and some from disgust. Most from the lack of weight. Its hard to look at someone wasting away from their own hand. its a good poem though describing the sad plight of it. Good job.
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