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Becoming You

You all know me,
that girl in the hoodie...
I hear the words you say
as if I can’t hear you...
But look at me,
No...maybe not.


I’m afraid of you.


I wish I could be
the person you think I should be...
outgoing and happy
like the rest of you.


I don’t sleep very much,
because of the nightmares...
of you all laughing...
right in my face!!!
Me screaming
"Leave me alone!"
"I’m not listening!"
So I’ll hide away,
my hair in front of my face


my hood up.


head down...
Running your words
over and over in my head...
I just want the quiet,
Please don’t haunt me...
I'm trying to be normal...
Maybe for all the wrong reasons...
So I can blend in with the rest of you...
Maybe I’ll become invisable,
Maybe you won’t have to look at me...
Yea...that would be nice...Right???

Yea, you know me!

that emo,
that cutter,
"she’s suicidal" I hear you joke.
"Freak" I hear those words...
If only you knew...
maybe you’d understand,
maybe you could wrap your feeble minds around this.
Maybe if you knew the truth,
maybe...
but I can’t even look at you!!!
my eyes switch away from yours,
my palms sweaty...
face red...

Still you laugh.


I wishing...
if only I was like you,
all of you.


I could become what torments me...
be the person I long to be...
and you all would laugh along with me...
I could live happily...
because I’d be your miming clone,
do everything you want...
so you won’t really see me...
you’ll see yourself...
all we should be,
but I can’t even speak...
so I am me,
I am cait...
I will eventually be free.


When I become you...

Author notes

this isnt all that great...but I still thin its powerful...

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Comments


  • Shancy Fayre
    April 27, 2008

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    OMG! You have described me to a "Tee." And you've done it so well. I really like the line: "...maybe you could wrap your feeble minds around this." Great! I really feel sad for people like me. And, yet, in a way, I don't really want to be like everyone else. Anyway, your poem has made an impression on me. Bravo!
    Shancy.


  • I Love My Marine
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so....Jordan...McPhail....Whatever your name is....your comment is ridiculous. it's a good poem. just because it's not about happy butterflies and rainbows, you think it's a bad poem. if you can't "whine" in poetry, what's the point of writting at all? it was cait's way of venting her feeling's and you have no right to criticize that. maybe you have a perfect little life and don't understand the meaning behind this poem...well, congradulations to ya but i know how she feels and i must say that you were WAYYYY out of line. great job cait. keep writting!


  • BlueEyeWonder1988
    April 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    this has so much emotion. . .

    It is a piece of man against society in most aspects. The person is you whois made fun of because of who you are and the mean girls is society with a cruel humor. This is sorrow for me when I read this poem , too I was once that girl who is made fun of constantly too so this situation is familar to me, particularlly. I was made fun of because I was fat when i was a kid, later because I was too tall from a growth spur, (then even now)in college Im made fun of for my energy, my dreams, my skills, and my spontaneous personality. It saddens me too when society downgrades us as too "unique" when we are only who god meant us to be. It ain't your fault God put your spirt in you to be a certain way. See what I mean. I 'm sorry for your dilema but dont be sorry for yourself and me. Be the stronger woman in you and walk away with confidence (like tale of the hoody, raise your head up high, smile once, and struat confidence) This will make them jettery and you'll have the upper hand and be safe. Just remember were all "unique" and we need to be proud of it, how God made us. Show them your the better person then think twice. See you and thank u for the poem and kind word.


  • fumes
    April 1, 2008
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    I could feel what was running in your mind when you were penning this poem.