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endings

what am i, save,
lines and edges?
Splashed clean in the shivering light
that bathes every corner, 'cept my heart.
Slither deeper, there are no words but
barren slivers of ineptitude.
naked to the point of dispair.

Ever onward.
For I was never enough come the morning.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Room without doors silver member
    August 5

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    This is well-written with good flow. I particularly liked the line :
    naked to the point of dispair.
    This is a dark poem that explores endings in an innovative way. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Endeavor gold member
    June 8

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing


    there are no words but
    barren slivers of ineptitude.
    naked to the point of dispair.

    Ever onward.
    For I was never enough come the morning.

    I quote you
    let this not be true

    Very powerful
    proving, it does not take 300 words
    to have an amazing impact

    Therefore

    For the 136 time in 14,008 comments
    I say the word Amazing

    One more thing

    It says you are worth $2,155,858 dollers
    I would make it $2,156,000 even... IF
    you would let me make payments over 30 years
    at 6 1/4 percent intrest
    with no pre-payment penilty... lol

    Enjoy the day

    Rick

  • MaliciousNightmare gold member
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    Seemingly written with such elegance and grace with a dark twist. Great write, thank you for sharing it with us x


  • a dozenglassroses
    May 6
    Edit | Reply
    Oh what a lovely write glad I stopped to read!

  • demonic66 silver member
    April 30
    Edit | Reply
    nice

  • Endeavor gold member
    April 26
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good


    what am i, save,
    lines and edges?
    Splashed clean in the shivering light
    that bathes every corner, 'cept my heart.

    Interesting opening words, sets the tone
    ending in high impact, as usual

    Very breaf for you

    Rick


  • Angelflower Greeters member
    April 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. this was really simple but it had a strong impact as well.. and you did a really good job on the prompt I think.. Good write..

    Jetleena

  • NurseChilly gold member
    April 4

    Edit | Reply
    ahh, this touches raw nerves and those portions of us, that we wish to remain hidden

    very nice entry to this contest

    many thanks for entering

    G.x

  • NurseChilly gold member
    March 31
    Edit | Reply
    left align your piece please
    i added that in, as I'd forgotten to add it yesterday

    sorry... my fault, but if you wouldn't mind editin it..

    thanks
1 - 9 of 9