It's been four months

It's been four months of pain
Of torture
Of hiding
From keeping the truth
From you
From the world

It's been four months of regret
Since I cheated
Since I made a mistake
That I can't take back
That I won't get over
That I can't tell you

It's been four months of lying
To you
To the world
Because I don't want to hurt you
Because I don't want you to change
Because I don't want to lose us

It's been four months of crying
By myself
By the computer
While I write
While I think
While I listen

It's been four months of questions
About who I am
About what I did
Since I can't move on
Since I can't handle emotions
Since I can't see any light

It's been four months
But it's over
I'm leaving you
I can't handle it
I can't handle life
I can't stand life

It's been four months
Testing my undying love
Perhaps it's best shown in death
Perhaps it's best not shown
But the regrets will always live

Because I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can't live
I can only think
Those horrid thoughts
That end so many lives

It's been four months
And it won't end here
Not yet
Redemption is waiting
In your arms
I can see it
But I don't want it

It's been four months
Of pain
Of regret
Of lying
Of crying
Of questions
Testing my undying love
And it won't end here

*************************************************

Two months later

************************************************

It's been two months of redemption

Of new love

Of truth

From death to life

From dark to light

From regret to forgiveness

It's been two months of love

Since you held me close for the first time

Since I kissed you out of impulsivness

That one dance that brought us together

That single kiss

That one that I don't feel guilty about

It's been two months of telling the truth

To you

To the world

Because I couldn't live with the regret

Because I trusted you

Because I didn't want you to love me for who I wasn't

It's been two months of healing

By admitting my faults

By loving you

While I regret my past

While I realize my mistake

While you love me through it all

It's been two months of thinking

About it

About you

Since I love you more than the world

Since I could never bring myself to hurt you

Since you are unconditionally in love with me

It's been two months

This love will never end

Only death will bring us apart

I can't hurt you

I can't hate you

I can't refuse your love

It's been two months

I love you too much

And it won't end here

I can see redemption in your arms

And undying love

And for once in my life

I want to accept love without fear

It's been two months

Of redemption

Of love

Of telling the truth

Of healing

Of thinking

This love will never end

I love you too much