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Vision and Sound: a double etheree on Echo.

Forms
colour
as echoes
vibrate in dreams.
Jealous shades hover
around indigo thoughts.
Unreality wavers
and hopes dissolve into real tears
as passions fall to deception's ash
when morning light returns doubts to night's grasp.

Tones fixed in canvas shiver beyond glass
as distortion plays its feinting notes.
Time fades in the days of living
dancing across deep valleys.
Vision and sound collide
in glorious waves
as forms dissolve
revealing
echo's
space.



Author notes

The prompt is Echo and the picture.

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    April 5, 2008
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    Truly a wonderful double etheree. You have written a wonderful piece to enhance the image prompt, yet this gem needs to image to enhance its natural beauty.

    "Unreality wavers
    and hopes dissolve into real tears
    as passions fall to deception's ash
    when morning light returns doubts to night's grasp."

    These lines are the center point of your piece and grab the reader's heart with their honesty. Truly moving and powerful words.

    Well done poet. I am delighted to see form used for this contest. An excellent entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela


  • ShelleyA gold member
    April 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Mum. A beautiful write. Nearly perfect double etheree. Good imagery, flow and tone. Vivid descriptives. Lovely depth of feeling. Good word choice and assonance. I found a slight error in your syllable count "as forms melt away" is 5 syllables, should be 4 syllables. Other than that, this is a fine double etheree.


    • crystaldust gold member
      April 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Daughter Shelley - thank you very much for your careful reading. Nasty miscount of mine is that. Thanks to you I've changed it, so that it now reads "as forms dissolve" - a definite improvement.
      Mum


  • masterblaster gold member
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi , the feel of this is wonderful, couple of snags, wretched computer again, all the best in the contest, aml Di

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    March 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "around inigo thoughts." I am thinking this should be indigo? Plenty of time to correct a typo. NO worries.

    This line: "as forms melt away" I think should only be 4 syllables to stay with etheree form. Maybe just remove "as"

    I will be back to dive into this piece before the contest closes. Plenty of time to update.

    ~Pamela


    • crystaldust gold member
      April 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hi. Indeed it should be indigo!. Thank you. Have changed it.

1 - 6 of 6