The Emptiness of a Forced Smile

I do not know which is worse to me,
To have or to have not,
For both forever fill my mind,
With unabridged amnesty.

The sharp pain that comes with a thought,
One buried deep into the abyss of past.
Like that of memory one wishes to forget,
Comes about like a empty smile, washing away the sunshine.

I kneel, fully giving, expressing my vision of the hurt,
And the tornado of memories that coming from the calm,
Begins to stirr into swells of total emotion.

I release, am wholly overcome by the wind,
Thrown away from my cushioned life,
Whirling vividly in remembrance,
As the face id never really seen, smiles into my eyes.

Then, the sky emparts under a new flourescence,
One of vibrancy as the rhymth beats steadily.
Each pulse rises in a soothing wave of realization,
This cannot be happening.

The face I see, The heart that beats,
So loud and true within mine,
Cannot be before me in form.

If so fifty thousand wishes,
One every night of my life,
Would have come true.

God, whoever it be,
Has heard my heart humbly asking,
Pleaing to be in the presence of this one soul,
An angel that opened my eyes,
Breathed into my lungs a whisper of life,
And awoke my heart like tribal drums.

I stare amazed at this wondrous scene,
I cry uncontrolably in a shower of happiness,
As time fades into only this moment.

I hug my mother for the first time I can ever remember,
And the dam of hurt finally breaks free.

All I can remember is hearing a voice softly saying, "I love you son."
Right before my eyes open and I see the sun,
Slowly and beautifully rising through the trees.