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Worry

 


Have been tiling the ceiling ...
Moving and removing,
left to right
centre of florescent orange.
Dodging pylons and shootin' lights out.

Wondering,

if life on the ground
is as hard on blood pressure
as it is up here,
waiting for the sharpee's
ricochet inside my noggin'

to kill me.


There have been SO many doors
closed to my
inner thoughts

It's hard to grasp the next
event when there are no
door-knobs to lean into.

So I sit and watch the
smoke-rings encircle
my camp as if cancer
was the savior.

No way.

I heard the smog call me
from the big city, but when
I arrived, such zenith had
subsided....

leaving.

All I heard was the darkness
beckoning me back to you,
like a foghorn barely heard
but clearly leading
me out

into furrows
of earth torn brow.

 

 

Author notes

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • jcat gold member
    April 15, 2008

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    Well my first thought while reading this was a man stuck in a cubicle office pondering his boring life while the real life passed him by...BUT....then it switched gears and I found myself picturing this person on the edge of an enemy camp during a war and contemplating the fact that death is closing in on him and that he is not ready for it.....BUT....than I got the feeling of a man standing on a look out point not far from his campsite enjoying the view of a big city and contemplating his existence!!!! WHEW!!!! There is alot going on here and I think that you did an amazing job and wish for the chance to peek into your mind and see what dwelled there when you wrote this....Very well done and best of luck here. It was a joy to read!!


  • Carefuldelusion
    April 13, 2008

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    this seems to start in the middle of a poem, not really having a real begining, leaving the reader wanting of course. I just would love to see what the begining would have been. Maybe it is just the way that I interperet it, but none the less, i have never seen a poem start like that, so it is new to me.

    I am not going to lie, i do have a favorite line.

    "There have been SO many doors
    Closed to my
    Inner thoughts"

    I can relate to this more then I would like to admit.

    I don't know what else to say except I love this. I am going through all these entries, and I am so impressed by all of you amazing poets. I have nothing negative to say, I love poetry, so that doesn't help ^^

    Keep writing you are amazing!!


  • metanoia
    April 13, 2008

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    ...wow.
    I really love the way your poems stop here and there. The pauses remind me a lot of how I write except you make the breaks much more apparent so it has it's own rhythym. I really like this a lot.


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    April 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was looking for favorite verses or stanzas to
    Highlight, But I couldn't do it because the entire piece was flawless!! Very well done and best of luck in the contest!!


  • hoodoolover silver member
    March 31, 2008

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    First let's get out of the way the only techinical thing that made me pause, and that's the use of 'has' instead of 'have' in the line: There has been so many doors...
    I really enjoyed the tone of this write. I can't pretend to understand it all, but it definitely has great visual aspects, for one, the sharpee ricocheting in your head...to kill you. I love the last little stanza. I don't know if I am comfortable with the segment such zenith had subsided.... something is off for me there, but I don't think it detracts much from the overall beauty here. Me likes.


  • Star of Atlantis
    March 31, 2008

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    i think this is a marvoulously deep poem that requires more than one reading to get all of its many layers. i enjoy poems like this as per they make you look deeper and deeper into them and as you unravel them you can find all kinds of new and hidden tresures in them the words of my wordbank are not something that falls easily into the same poem but you make it look like it was a piece of cake. i love some of the ways they were used so much that they made me pause on them and think wow that is both inspiring to kick my muse and make me want to write something (anything) as well as it painting just the coolest picture in my mind. i like the way you used foghorn best but the last stanza and the cuplette following it are my fave part of the poem. that ending touches me. i think of an old man all warn and weathered who has the lines of his life on his face... i think that the end of the poem brakes away form the rest of the poem as the rest seams to be talking about simple but frustrating subjects like fixing a house, although those could be metiphores about fixing yourself, now that i think about it and the end seams more timeless as if worry isnt about the small things but rather something that just was but perhaps isnt any more. perhaps not that worry has shifted into meaninglessness. i think the begining of the poem up through the last stanza and the following couplette the poem is about worry but when the transention happens i feel it really isnt any more. i think because of this that the title doesnt really fit for me but i cant think of anything that i would call it instead. if i do i will let you know. thankyou so much for entering my contest and good luck

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