Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Wastin' My Time

Chasing after you
Waiting all day long

Wasn't worth it all

You never came back

Just set me aside

When I called you

There was no answer

When I cried about you

You never came

Why did I do this all

Was it because of love

Or the feeling I get beside you

Didn't matter

I was wastin' my time

A contest entry

Is that ok???

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Perception
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hm.... I read a few of your poems... And it just seems like the typical teen poem, a release poem so to say. About relationship matters and so forth... Most of them seem to be in prose...

    They flow alright, this one is alright too. I just don't think the ideas are developed enough or perhaps even the emotion - I can feel it there - just not enough of it. Your ideas are good, it just seems you are using constricting words... The words that everybody... uses... I say, open up your vocabulary, use a thesaurus - those are always fun. Try writing in a particular format, sonnets are fun.

    Use more descriptive words; find different ways to say things.. more creative ways - use different words than the obvious. Use more descriptive words (The warm crystalline tears... flowing like a damned river - which all as been released) you know what I'm saying?

    I suggest you also read more of the classics, Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe (who is more of a dark writer), anyone... Heh. It's always good to try and look at some of their ideas and use them (perhaps not in the same way) in your poems.

    Try new things...
    But, always keep penning.
    I suggest joining one of those teaching groups, also - because I'm only like 15 and I've probably haven't been writing much longer than you

    Good luck


  • Blooming Poet
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is very relatable. I think all of us have been through this, probably more then once and for me more then I wish to count


  • Chocolate Chip
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i can see all this play out in my head. it's soo hard when you like someone but they don't bother to return it. btw, nice write.