she's gotten into the seasons
she's holding back the spring
winter grows longer every year
and this time i thought i'd never see
Sun
and Daisys.
then i realised, you had your claws
into the very seasons. spoilt.
selfish-
a permafrost bitch.
i resolved to retrieve fire:
slipped into hades; sung in deaths ear.
now flowers spring into my footprints,
and your permafrost heart stands
rawandbeating blood red like lifeitself
in a puddle of cold water
lost now found
lavander fields
A contest entry
- Springtime Originals by Hoosierpoet.
700 points, ended April 21, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
two minor things: Daisys?/and "deaths" --> "death's"
I think this is wonderful, angry and beautiful. It really is the most original spring poem I've read while still holding on to sun and flowers. The third and fourth stanzas are my favorite. The coil of words in lines 8 - 10 unwinding was fabulous. Really well done.
-K
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fairly jagged in structure, might wanna revise grammer and such, but otherwise pretty good. very dramatic
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Thanks for entering. This certainly is original with a different twist. A little deep, perhaps, as I do not quite understand all the metaphores - but I enjoyed the reading, and thank you for entering my contest.
Moses
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