The highest expression of the effectiveness of the resplendent rondeau
Is the degree to which it invokes an absence of expression in its listener.
The pastel daisies, the opulent apricots, the plums of panache;
All remain in inverted limbo melodiously fading through the
Awareness of the ambrosially musical mind.
The central composition depends with trepidation
On the bleached focus of the listener’s liking.
His lascivious mind, prone to egregious desires
Demanding both ideas of order and ideas of chaos,
Is the subjective decider of the tableaux of actuality.
At the moment of the absolute exegesis of the mind,
It is lucidly devoid of all trappings of thought;
Both related to the memory of the seagulls above white sand
And the sketches of birds upon his drawing paper.
It is a state of immortal euphony fleeing with tingling inevitability,
Not unlike the fate of a stray bee.
The cache of women wearing green sundresses in
Prophetically white weather has long worn off, and
The world is governed by provincial minds domineering
over lands without vertical significance, for the firmament
is solely the dwelling of harmonious minds.
It is here that the central concern of structure is molded
By individual men striving for individual emptiness.
But this is no conflict of interest, for their desires
Are pre-cursed by the necessity of each man to
Forge his own alabaster world with the diluted tools
Dulled by his mind’s limitation in dealing with mirrors.
A contest entry
- Hiding Behind A Facade by background music.
1050 points, ended June 22, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Beautiful. You have a very broad vocabulary
Thank you for sharing this and for entering my contest.
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Hi Lax
Here is the feedback I promised you in case you have not seen it. If you could also offer feedback to other poems entered in our group that would be great.
http://allpoetry.com/board/topic/268594325
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Like this too - there will be a response on our critique group site shortly!
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i am sorry for looking in your poem and speaking but there was no need to rate my effort a one
that was just being mean
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and should we all comply to your requests? it is niot my fault you did not understand my comment, it is your fault
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you are willign to say to others that their poetry needs some changes but when others come to you and speak you get a mard head on, what is that all about
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All I asked for was an explanation because I had difficulty following your comment...
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oh, wow!
i really enjoyed this. maybe it's because i just finished a report on oscar wilde, but i'm totally grooving on the big words here.
cheers!
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Interesting
There's a jazz themed contest going on now-you should enter this into it! -
I really like the subject, and it has great description
it does read kind of stiff, but the words are great -
Impressive
My first impression was that you swallowed a thesaurus... But as I kept reading, it flowed very well due to the use of intelligence. I'm pretty new at poetry but I can still enjoy good work. I definitely enjoyed this. Very nice, keep it up. -
well chosen words, bit on that note, a bit wordy for my taste. I like the sounds of the words, the phrasing, throughout! longer than I am normally able to pay attention to, but I got all the way through this, so bonus...
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It's a brilliant poem, and you use great language. My only problem with it is that en though you use great language, the longer, more complicated words sometimes make it hard to flow. I think maybe some rhyme, or more rythm would fix this. In all though, intense write =D
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smile-n
From all I read, I can deduct that the citizens are still under suppression an oppression but the poem does not give a solution to this problem.
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Well, I didn't really write this poem with the intention of explicating the themes of "suppression and oppression," rather I simply meant it as a discussion on "freedom" in the sense of the individual realization of existence. Therefore, condemning me for not offering a "solution" to the one of the most complex penumbras of the human condition is hardly fair, especially considering that the poem itself has little to do with those themes which you alluded to in your comment.
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I agree with forever. It is a lovely poem, and I like what your saying, I just think rhythm and rhyme would pake it a lot better.
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wow you wrote a lot!!
good job
i agree with you poem.
but where is the rhythem?
where is the rhyme?
i kno poems don't have 2 have them
but it would make it better.
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"...your poem."
This poem is very much a discourse on the ideas expressed by Wallace Stevens, among others, and frankly speaking, I was focused primarily on the content of my writing rather than the poetic structure. Therefore, I did not use rhythm or rhyme, except in certain places of my discretion, because I did not feel they were necessary or even truly germane to the ideas that I was trying to implement. You are of course entitled to your opinion that they would make this poem "better," but even after writing it I fail to see how using metered form would assist the reader or elevate the quality of such an abstract poem.
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