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meltdown

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you have been

the ice that melts my bourbon

my own ghost

that circles december nights

 

 

 

 

yes

that snowy host

with nowhere to go

like the tarnish of time

 

 

 

 

i am weathered

a darker shade

when the sky is grey

and the fencepost to tomorrow

is covered with you

 

 

 

 

 slowly surrendering

i pour another

and a kind of stillness subsides

as the wet footprints

come in from the cold

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

inspired by
since feeling is first

by ee cummings



to me this was about coming to terms with one's self
because without doing that, how can we ever be there for another

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • edit my world.
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    such a wonderful poem...the font fits the poem to a T...
    i'm kinda at a loss for words....but just know that this was a really good write

    thanks for entering and good luck
    Dan♥


  • narcissist
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i loved this poem... and because your author note ties in pretty close to what i'm going through right now, i probably will not comment this properly. but many poems don't contain a feeling right... and this does, so it's familiar and painful and necessary.


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was very beautiful and sad undertones to it. I could relate, as I'm sure a lot of people can, and you make it easy to. Gorgeous descriptions and smooth wording, everything fit together perfectly. The ending wasn't a big "bang" but it still stayed with me. Beautiful poem!
    Jeanette*~


  • Fourthaxis
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful thought! I am glad I stopped by!
    "as the wet footprints
    come in from the cold"
    A lovely way of describing 'coming home'. Its true that until and unless you are at peace with yourself its almost akin to love someone/anyone with your whole being! A great write! Best wishes!
    Peace
    Anansey


  • Blkwidow77 silver member
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ~~my own ghost

    that circles december nights~~

    Now those are nice lines. It's been so long I've almost forgotten what your writing style is like. lol But I really have taken to those two lines. They could almost be a poem unto themselves.

    Suggestion. As I was reading these stanzas, I was thinking, with the way they were written, they could almost be each label with I., II., III., etc. They seems slightly different from one to the other, but definitely of the same vein. Just my observation though.


  • Timothy Cameron gold member
    April 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It does make great sense to hve a deep sense of self and acceptance, to accept someone's heart in one's heart, equally. Thanks for the submission and the perspective. I'll be meditating on this tonight. Juding midmonth.


  • Zombina
    April 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome poem! E.E. Cummings is a great poet for inspirational work.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the poem. Love the notes even better. It wasn't until I got a real good revelation of that things started changing. You write just lovely.


  • Ithica silver member
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I must say I do like your style and this is not the first I have read, but this is a stunner! Now I have to put you on my favs....


  • Poesing
    March 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent writing - powerful - loving and sad.

  • naji007
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    a must read

    the vocab is subtle yet profound
    really enjoyed reading it, really enjoyed being able to identify with it
    two thumbs up

  • Papagallo
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a great write. The words soft, yet powerful. I read it several times and was quite impressed. I am also pleased to see that another poet writes in lower case. Is this also your style, or you did it for this poem? Good luck! Papagallo


  • LadyUnique silver member
    March 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Am not a fan of ee cummings but am of yours, your poetry spoke to me and I felt the frozen wasteland slowly warming to acceptance, darn would love to hear this played on the Harp! This sings melancholy dancing with thoughts that string the individual.Especially liked the tune of " nowhere to go like the tarnish of time" now that is being brassed off with introspection and memories. Yes, we have to thaw out so that other's may feel our warmth, if we remain, like an iceberg, with only so much above the surface, the rest is still cold, calculated in the mass underneath. Enough rambling!


  • letters to no one
    March 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is sad and beautiful, truly lovely.


  • NeonRose
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    I am in awe of your artistry. This moves me in so many ways. ee cummings is a favorite of mine, I applaud your inspiration, and your splendid work.

  • Rowan gold member
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There's such a quietness about this, contemplativeness.
    And yes, we aren't much good to anyone if were not complete in ourselves, though, easier said than done sometimes.

  • Kalamina
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very different, very excellent, a beautiful write, i enjoyed this very much! Your description was very original, each phrase fit in with the rest, i loved it!


  • Serene
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    My Word!!

    This is just superbly written with such wonderfully woven words with certain moments in time. I just love this part..

    'i am weathered

    a darker shade

    when the sky is grey

    and the fencepost to tomorrow

    is covered with you'

    It really stands out on its on with great imagery, and a most excellent piece of work by ee cummings as your inspirations have emerged so beautifully worded here. Wonderfully penned!! Bravo!!


    Rena~


  • paulcreates silver member
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, that one lesson alone in your AN could do more for mental health in our society than all the self help books put together. It's a hard lesson, but once we're able to humble ourselves to accept it, life becomes SO much easier.
    "...as the wet footprints

    come in from the cold..."
    VERY nicely done here.
    Paul


  • MotorcycleFreak silver member
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    I love it! What a supremely constructed poem. I love the imagery and the personifications. Very well done. Good luck to you. ~Peace~Gar


  • Silent Cougar Moderators member
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    stunning work...

    This is a great piece of writting, very inspirational and very true.


    To be free of all fears in the mind and be true to yourself before you can be true to others, some very important words my friend. Well done.


  • Night Hope gold member
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "my own ghost
    that circles december nights"

    Sighhh...Mine, too. Good luck in Timothy's contest, Scribe. This one aches profoundly, my dear Friend. Wanderer


  • suseann
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    One can envision the subject lost in pondering lifes various ups and downs coming to grips with the overall big picture in realization of what it's all for.I think we all have these private reflective moments in wondering what motives and out come was about,and was it our intention to have it evolve this way.Deep Muddyman! It's a killer verse of real depth. Nice penning!~Suseann


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm going to be honest with you, this piece literally gave me chills reading it. The first stanza seeped into my soul until I felt I couldn't breathe. This is is one of your absolute best. It put such an image in my mind, I couldn't shake it (wrote about it even). The journey of soul and self discovering is evident in this piece. There is something so alluring and actually haunting in this, that I just cannot shake it. You should be proud, I've sat here gawking and watching the movie in my head for a good 30 minutes before penning it out myself. This is truly phenomenal and you know I would tell you if it weren't. Damn! Bookmarking this one.


  • poet2angels gold member
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    SIgh...I really, really love this, so much that I am speechless and for me, that is quite the accomplishment
    wow

    Lynda


  • transcendental baby gold member
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, what an interesting take on that poem ... yeah, I see it ... yeah


  • lostangel07
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very deep. Made me feel a little better actually after feeling a bit down. Good job


  • KayJay
    March 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I see more a sense of fatalism than simply coming to terms with yourself. I definitely like this and the haunting images it pulls from within me. Like the bourbon, it takes it's time to infuse before you feel it. Well done!
    Ken

  • Aisades
    March 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is one of the most powerful poems you've ever written.

1 - 30 of 30