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image: freezing a slice of air






of a morning
these quiet stones bleed faith-
velvet and burgundy pearls grow round,
embers of crystal that shatterfall
against a sky of mirror.

a dead bird strikes the window hard
but feels no pain [ for each dove dies
                            a night before we notice ]

but tiny cracks appear -
they always do when Ivy chokes a wall.

Author notes

Word Bank:

Mirror Velvet Dove(s)
Embers Burgundy Faith
Stones Pain Bleed
Ivy Crystal Pearls

aka - all of those offered.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Dalaney gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    i am certainly going to wear
    this word out when it comes
    to your writing...

    STUNNING!

    Love, Lane


  • Fug-azi
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    I sense gold, in only 10 lines with a word bank restrictions you have removed the barriers of those words and created beauty.


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    March 30
    Edit | Reply


    this is breathtaking, kate.


  • Malabu
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    daunting enough...dead birds hit the window..I like the thoughts of ivy cracks the wall...sorta puts a crimp in life...you did well with the prompt...and the poem....
    Mal


  • misselaineous gold member
    March 30
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  • Faithbound gold member
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    I tried to do this one. Couldn't use all the words in only ten lines. You are brilliant.


  • EvilKate gold member
    March 30
    Edit | Reply

    <

    Meh - I edited it back - the wall and the mirror 'should' stay as the same reference. I dunno - still bugs me a little

  • EvilKate gold member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply

    <

    Re-read with this substitutions in mind: "dead bird" = hope, "window" = view of the world, "mirror" = view of self in the world" - the latter two 'can' in the right circumstance be the same thing. No?

    I have edited the ending - it had bugged be from the start. I'll see how it feels with some distance soon.

  • RedAquarius
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the bracketed section, as if you were whispering a secret to the reader even as they read the poem. And the final two lines gave me such a visual; I see those tiny cracks as if the wall is destroying itself in an effort to get free of the ivy, as if those few small cracks will allow enough air for it to survive. Good luck, EK!


  • sheltered
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    I see you've been doing some light reading, Pinky and the Brain style. I love that second stanza. It just sounds so cool it has to be true.

1 - 12 of 12