As the lake mirrors my image
I begin to see
the effect of what time
has done to my once young body
what was once long brown hair
now has streaks of silver
the eyes of what used to be daring
have now grown wise with wrinkles
like the wrinkles of the
numerous pages they have read
the role models that I look to for support
are now dead and gone
for that responsibility falls upon me
but as my life begins to end
I try to picture
what my next life will look like
for death is not only the end
but also the doorway to the beginning
- Group Of Amazing Thinkers group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Only Hope by only1love4ever.
605 points, ended June 2, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For everyone who has not yet won any trophy by LittleAnn.
600 points, ended June 12, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - " Memories" by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended May 29, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by vampireprincess.
315 points, ended June 25, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EMOTIONAL!!!!! Looking for the best. by Condemd RyeZing.
650 points, ended June 2, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your very best shot! by hotpinkblossomluv.
400 points, ended June 28, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
-
This reminds me of beat poetry. I'm not quite sure why.
I love those last two lines:
"for death is not only the end
but also the doorway to the beginning"
So true.
Love and light,
Jenna
-
Nice job. Great way of conveying aging without being negative. I'm only 19 and am already dreading becoming 20 because it seems old. This is a nice way of looking at the process.
-
thats cool it made me smile. i love how the title went perfectly with the poem because once i was done reading it i had to go back up and look at the title and i just smiled again ^^ thanks so much for your entry and i love all your emotion.. the best of luck in my contest
-
A sweet poem with such beautiful words of wisdom, I love the view on life you are presenting here. I enjoyed reading this poem very much.
Thank you so much for entering this into my contest!
Keep on writing!
Annie
-
life...when taken properly, is not aging, but seasoning. Great work.
-
Nice job. Quite interesting...
-
Hmm... I'm not sure what to say... I liked it. It was interesting. May I ask why you used no punctuation? I like the way you look at life,that is inspiring. Thanks for entering, good luck
-
Very good thoughts here
We are as beautiful as we allow ourselves to be .With a happy heart and a sparkle in the eyes we tend to over look the lines knowing how each one got there with such love and through smiles where memories dance like butterflies on the wind -
A very well written piece your outlook on Life is very impressive.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. -
Only1love4ever-Reply
You have such a wonderful outlook on life. And when we all must grow old, we all stay young at the heart. Believeing in yourself is knowing that there is more out there. Days will keep going by dear friend, as you already know, and for that you will only grow wiser and dearer. God gave us all a reason, all a life to live, and tho today it may seem the end is nearing, the begenning is only coming. Another life in the same life, to join again with many friends, and still learning.
This was amazing.
Thank you for the lovely contribution.
I loved it and it was very enjoyable.
Have a wonderful day.
God Bless.
Good luck.
~Only1love4ever -
amazing
I love poetry such as yours, that read of something one may experience in life. I might be too young to really comprehend all that comes with age, but as I read your words, I can picture myself in my last years reflecting on my present life. Your words teach me to live now, learn from the past, and never to waste away time in wonders of the future. -
i enjoied it and it also makes you think about how short but sweet life can be nice poem
-
we all trad our heros for ghost, quote pink floyd. i don't think it's a great poem from an artic point of view, but the content is really good.
-
Ironic ... we are actually dying from the moment we are born. I will be 45 in 2 days, so I can totally relate to this. I think about dying sometimes, but I don't trip on it. I figure it this way. "Worrying About The Afterlife Is No Way To Live This One."
Whatever your age might be, enjoy every minute of everday of it! Treat yourself to something that brings you pleasure 'everday'! Even if only an ice cream cone or a hot bubble bath. -
Very Good!!! I agree death is only the beginning.
-
Very well written!
Such wonderful imagery truly a thougth filled piece. Once one comes to terms with daily existance and starts to look into their future we must make of it what we can knowing that there is a better eternity for us all!!
Great read!!
-
Wow, this is an incredible write thank you for sharing!
-
"numerous pages the have read"
numerous pages that I've read
is what I believe you were trying to say -
Time and eternity..
What age or number has giving me
A maze blundered of eternity
The flesh has wrinkled casting away my youth
Time prisoner I became waiting for death to turn me loose
I once had a bed to share
Now lonely am so should I care
So come on death a million welcome to thee
Cause thou art not the end, yet the beginning of eternity..
Good write...and I believe that you can do better and you will do better cause you are a wonderful poet.
-
I liked this.
This was different from other things I've read
about aging, this was refreshing and reminded me about how sometimes thing change but sometimes it's for the best meanwhile other times it isn't for the best. But I liked this.Good work.
...Simply Me♥ -
This poem was well written and spoke of truth..The way life is when we all get older....
-
Intresting
I really like the Imagery in this poem. Age is a very sensitive subject. Most people very much fear getting older, and some just roll with it, and enjoy life and know that it's just a part of life. So Yes as Age does reflect the images, just know that its your perspective that matters, on HOw you View the Images.
-
very good poem describing how we grow wiser with age but when we face death, life starts again--a new life
-
Thanks for showing me this poem. I think there is a lot of truth to this as I age in time. I enjoyed the imagery you portrayed with this. Thanks again!!
-
I like this poem very much. Amazing imagery. I love the part about death being the doorway to another beginning. It's like we haven't truly begun to live until we die. Great job.
-
A great poem. very well written and very thought provoking. Great job
-
Oh wow.
First off, I'd like to say thank you for the kind comment you left me in the private messages. I'm glad you like my name and my page.
Secondly, I love the way you expressed the importance of time in this peice. You chose words carefully, and it shows that you notice simple things such as time and aging, whereas most people tend to live in the fast lane. I also see a touch of remembrance in here as well.
Well penned, and thank you for sharing this with me. I look forward to reading more of your poems whenever you IM me.
-
great write, I judge this on the writers talent not on my own beliefs as I don't believe in death.
-
very well done
yes, i like it a lot...i also like your page...i dont believe in god either and i think men should be worshiped in every way. doesnt your page say youre only 17 or did i read that wrong.....how do you tap into the wisdom at such a young age? Im impressed.... -
wow very nice thoughts youve penned,
growing old is a deeming thought but the important thing is to enjoy your life as muich as you can because as you say death is a new beggining,
xxxlove Kitty
-
FAMILIAR
THOUGHTS you have penned here. I have thought that life on earth is the womb of eternity and life on earth from where we are born into eternity from, question is what do we spend eternity doing, truly death is the beginning of forever.
-
i loved this my friend
as i get older [41] i feel the same thoughts..however death does scare me....i loved your thinking in this though...you worded it great...i think you might want to change line 10...you may have just put the wrong word there...but besides that it was awesome
-
These lines remind me of a revolving door with out becoming in with just a turn...
"but as my life begins to end
I try to picture
what my next life will look like
for death is not only the end
but also the doorway to the beginning"
The center of your poem is still confusing as one of your prior comments suggested...but good content overall!
-
As the lake mirrors my image
I begin to see
the effect of what time
has done to my once young body but as my life begins to end
I try to picture
what my next life will look like
for death is not only the end
but also the doorway to the beginning
wonderful this is so true in many ways
-
Please!!!
Godslayer love the name enough said. Anyways this write is astonishing. Really B.A. and I have a favor to ask. The words...sorry copy and paste have to please forgive.
for death is not only the end
but also the doorway to the beginning
ummm yeah my name Living Dead Girl my new motto is those words. Fits me to a T. Godslayer thanks for letting me read the write. Well done very awesome.
-
It's a pretty good poem very nice I jsut don't understand the the in this part "numerous pages the have read" lol maybe I'm just retarded but w/e hahaha =)
-
How right you are; it is the ending of life, but the beginning of eternal life. Think you meant numerous pages they have read. We cannot keep time from progressing, and we must be ready for when we too are called to our eternal life.
-
Wow..this is great! it was starting to make me depressed but then you made that twist in the end...it was a beautiful ending
-
nice job, I like the theme of the piece, it might be a little more addractive if you made roll of the toung a bit better, but over all a good write.
-
Some people believe that when you come to the end of your life, you are only at the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. Your poem reflects this view and also speaks clearly of the maturation process that lends wisdom as a compensation for the loss of youth. For some reason, not readily apparent to me, I am touched by the poignancy of the lines concerning "dead and gone" role models and your acknowledgement of new-found assumed responsibility. I enjoyed reading your poem my friend. Goodbye and good luck. Tony
-
Well I for one am looking into that same lake...I have the silver streaks in my hair, the wrinkles, the not soooo young body anymore... Ugh!
Can't keep up with my grandsons... They are quick and sooooooo full of life
You did a great job on this one!!
Thanks for sharing this one with me!
-
Good job,I like this,you apparently have talent,but I would like to see more originallity in your poems,like unique metaphors and great wordings.
You are good,but with alittle work you could be better then good.
Keep writing and if you need any help or critiqueing just message me.
Peace bro.
-
This is pretty good. You could tighten up some of the lines a bit. For example:
the effect of what time
has done to my once young body
could be condensed to:
The effect of time on my body.
That way, you can keep the 'once' in the next line without being repetitive.
Also, you could change to: 'Eyes that used to be daring' and 'are now wise with wrinkiles, like the pages they read...' -
For staters, you're too young to be writing something like this lol. But I also know the feeling of it seeming like you have lived twice your years on the inside. A wide eyed observation that few this young ever take the time to look at. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and vision.
-
very good indeed!!!
i like this piece not only because it refers to death as a new beginning but also because of the fact that is shows that you can observe. i loved reading this. which picture did you talk about?
if it's my page's picture then you should check out "natural fangs" where you can learn a little more about my life and past. you are also more than welcome to enter my contest. thanx for a great write!!!
-
I think that I am standing here with you my friend...It seems like only yesterday I was young looking and care free and today my face shows the weight of that which I carry...My burdens feel to much at times. But with that said I do believe that death is not the end but merely another beginning in this continuous circle of life......Very well done and thank you for inviting me into your world this morning. It was a lovely visit...
-
AND SO we begin again, yes your last line was most succinct
-
This poem is good, and i like the way you end it.
-
I like it.
The phrase "as my life begins to end" just seems to hit you in the chest like a bullet. Very well written!
-
Excellent write, Yeah I suppose I am also looking into that lake and seeing the silver streaks and the wrinkles.
An emotional and challenging write my friend
Well done.
Simon -
Hey you read this to me this morning! Woots!
-
This poem is extreemly deep. I think this is very charismatic. I'm astounded. Not many people can write something like this.
-
Excellent write
Very true this write and yes we all in time reflect upon our past yet see the future before us in all its wonder .3 Great write here
-
My, My friend. You CAN write! For one so young, to write how it feels in such in depth metaphors is fantastic .And you say you don't believe in God. I am guessing you do believe in reincarnation. So do I. Our energy (our soul) leaves us and searches for another one to give life to. I loved this metaphor " The eyes of what used to be daring have now grown wise with wrinkles. Critique: Use less filler words when writing free verse: for instance, : daring young eyes, now grown wise with wrinkles,
like numerous pages they've read. You are wise beyond your years, and write beautiful poetry.
Shana
-
dam, dont you ever jus wish you can jus pul that trigger some times....i know i do so
im really feeling this peom...GOOD GOOD GOOD!
Adding your comment:
1 - 55 of 55
