I just want to hold you
Tightly in my arms
We will make it through
Don't you be alarmed
Watching these days pass
Sunrise to sunset
Your fragile heart is like glass
Try not to be upset
I need your smiling face
Looking down upon me
If only we could erase
The happier we'd be
The angels will float down
To collect your innocent soul
Why aren't their faces painted with frowns
Your life is not in my control
Soon enough we will parade
People in black attire
The casket we will aid
They have put out your fire
The unknown disease spread
Stopping your heart
Scissors have cut that last remaining thread
Will I get to say my final goodbyes before you part
Unblinking eyes, immobilized limbs
Your chest never to inhale another breath
The angels are singing their welcoming hymns
At last this disease was the cause of your death
In my memory you will never fade
There won't be a day where I'm not thinking
Your smiling face will never evade
I feel as though my heart is sinking
A contest entry
- Pain/Hurt/Life scars. Release your pain to me by LanguishedLad.
450 points, ended April 24, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *Ages 15 and Under* Broken Floorboards. by Fallen Under Light.
300 points, ended May 3, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To Laugh and/or Cry by rhyana.
525 points, ended June 12, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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sad...yes. however, my god is not one who sends his angels to steal dying souls away so it didn't really push my emotional button as firmly as it would most.
emotional yes. but the vague and sketchy details around the events make it hard for me to empathize. my personal preference is for something a little more concrete. i've been around death a considerable amount, i've felt the loss death brings more frequently than the average person. what makes each loss unique is the relationship i had with each. (erm, i'm not a psycho serial killer - i just worked at a retirement home for ten years, lost a baby, and lost a teenaged brother, as well as the usual run of deceased relatives everybody has to deal with as they get older.)
anyway, my point is that while the writing is emotional, there's not enough detail to draw me into this particular write. especially since i've seen death visit frequently. you've written in generalizations and non-specifics. that works for you because you've lived those details and each line makes you remember.
not a bad write, just didn't reach me in other words. -
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ok
thank you for your input =]
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Wow... A beautiful and so sad and pained poem...
I can feel the grief and yet the love toward this person and their passings...
For anyone to suffer a loss like this is truly devestating...
You've expressed yourself well here. Good job, and keep up the good work. -
Beautiful.
The rhyming could use a little work, but nevertheless, wonderful poem. Good luck!!
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aww this is so sweet!!!
once agian i loved it! -
Broken Floorboards
[for a contest]
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