her thumb didn't stick out
nor did the sun block her view;
and her dress was a white flag
left to surrender its color to the
landscape.
& if she stayed on that road
the nowhere look in her eyes
would be mistaken for independence.
midnight waited for her arrival
her breast of shallow breathing
aloof &
blessing the steps in her
sighted direction.
the backyard deserts that
always passed her by;
giving off that burnt asphalt
smell and training her eyes
to strain on the
lines of heat wavering ahead.
it was girl against
human nature, and nature gave
caution no room to breathe.
because the bad wolf had
a face that took change to heart;
and with every creaking door slam
she felt another shove into uncertainty.
Author notes
for project poetry.
& inspired by this pic
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=n1xhle&s=3
♥
anything.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Excellent poem and i have to agree the backyard deserts stanza was powerful imagery. Thanks for stopping by my poem
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ugh. project poetry was a nightmare for me. lol
but anyway, what you have here is great. i like how you characterized and still put emotion in it. perhaps it was the word choice and overall theme. great stuff.
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woah.
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i've now made it my goal to create something, anything that is equal in beauty to the couple poems of yours that i've read.
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i don't think i have seen your poetry before .. my fault, i try to keep up with some of the better poets around here .. i will be back ... this is seriously fine poetry from top to bottom
the format is excellent, i love the extra spacing between the first and second stanzas ... this allows the reader to understand or to get the sense of the poet painting a picture of a 'hitch' or continuing the title of the poem ... i like this technique, the method it is ... perhaps the extra spacing is an oversight, but i don't think it is ..
your poem is pure highway and passing scenery but not in a fun way, but in the way of winds and trees that capture it and make it sit on leaves and smell the asphalt and get whirled back into air by the mass of car tonnage and human cargoe going who knows where ... there is the furl of clothe, the uncertainty of the future, the sense of precaution even dread and the creaking door and instant before the whoosh begins again and the last instant of hesitation waits in a swirl of air, sometimes too late, sometimes not too late .. that is the essence of the hitch
see, you made me think in terms visual
i shall read more of your poetry.
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wow thank you for the comment
im really glad you got to read into it more than i would have thought to myself 
thanks again!
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wowzers, i loved it! i think the second to last stanza ends stronger than the actual ending, it'd just sound better without that last stanza. i think i feel that way because you bring in two really new images into the last line, a "bad wolf, which just makes me thing of three little pigs and then the creaking door. idk, just what i'm feeling.
i am very impressed by this piece.
peace to all ~flight
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i love the lines "her dress was a white flag/left to surrender its color to the/landscape"
I think you could cut out the "might be"--simply stating "mistaken for..." sounds much more direct and concise.
the next stanza is particularly strong. has a piously solemn feel to it.
I'm having trouble with the "bad wolf" metaphor and where you're going with that...i will be back to reread.
overall, this piece is going places! kee
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'the backyard deserts that
always passed her by;
giving off that burnt asphalt
smell and training her eyes
to strain on the
lines of heat wavering ahead.'
there is a really cool beat to this part... or maybe it was like watching the waves of heat rise off that asphalt... there is a pattern to it...
anyway... i liked this a lot
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& if she stayed on that road
the nowhere look in her eyes
might be mistaken for independence.
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Your first stanza was the greatest. It was kind of quirky, but I really liked it.
I understood your poem all the way through & it definitely wasn't bad. I expected your ending to maybe hit the subject a bit harder, but the looming, kind of fuzzy ending was also an appropriate route to take with this piece.
When I look at your picture & then the poem, I love it even more because you gave the picture a story. I love that. :]
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loved it... not sure what else to say but this was amazing! fab! meg
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this leaves me feeling winded and lonely.
im sorry i havent been around to read anything new youve been writing.
you did a really wonderful job on this honey<33
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loved it. good luck to you.
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Cool poem. Before I clicked that link to the picture that inspired you I thought of a zombie-like girl walking down a desert road waiting to die or just wandering forever. However....after I saw the picture it made me think of a modern city girl walking down a country road on a sunny day, getting skeptical looks from the country-folk. haha, either way it got me thinkin.
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very, very well done. seems like you may have developed some sort of new style while i was gone when i wasn't really? some sort of variation?
the description in the first half was my favorite.
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well I really like it so far!
Its like a journey, very storylike. Like a lone girl traveling through the night, pushing her way into the unknown. Its very heroic, I like that its different.
"because the bad wolf had
a face that took a change
to heart;"
That was my favorite bit, it was like waah lots of words. Like even the evil have a gentle face sometimes that watch the world around them spin. Just, very insightful lovely♥.
xo<3
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