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Finding 8:37

Missing image

Let the mind go blank,
I say,
Figure out why you're smiling.

Nothing comes to mind.
Air is thick with greasy seafood.
(Last sip of Kendall-Jackson grape.)
Ah yes, now write a few more lines.

Had to buy the drink myself.
Nobody sang that stupid song.
No flaming mound of chocolate.
Suddenly, I still don't own a watch. 

Outside myself, to be precise

(plus or minus several minutes),
at present I have:
     this table by the fence,
     the last few minutes of my 20's,
     no idea whatsoever,
     no more Chardonnay.

Take a long, deep-
                         
fried breath.
Look up, and

                     miss the sky.

But many miles of night below,
high, dry, and blind within its sanctum,
there glows a timid shade of white
beneath a galvanized parasol.
Both share a common bolt
atop a headless, former spruce
that was felled in Mississippi
about half my life ago.

Floodlight overflows the gutter,
cascades down onto an umbrella,
which sprouts from, and shelters,
one table on the terrace
of a particular watering hole
(whose owner really isn't Joe).
Listless nothing in the shade.
I rest my head against Joe's fence.


And about a foot above the fishnet
nailed to the awning for effect,
there is precisely one spot—
situated              just so,
between light post and eaves trough—
where, by white, incandescent backlight,
plain sight is mine alone.

The spider gazes back.
Welcome.
Far away in Napa Valley,
fruit grows ripe on a vine.
I greet my party's only guest,
who savors the moment.

And maybe it’s 8:37,
like three decades ago.
Maybe the air
is really just old songs.
Maybe I don't need a cake
if I know how to taste chocolate.
Maybe I grant my own wishes. 
Blow out thirty years of candles.

I feel a breeze I've never felt
fill the skin I've never worn
full as the moon I've never seen,
and I look out into everywhere.

Author notes

I was born at 8:37PM. My thirtieth year was the worst year of my life. Both my marriage and my career went up in smoke over the course of about 3 months, and I had no idea who I was afterwards. This poem was written during the 25 or so minutes surrounding the stroke of my 30th birthday, which, ironically, was the best of them all. I wrote it on a couple of sheets from a waiter's order pad as I sat all alone on the patio at Joe's Crab Shack, sipping the last of a glass of Kendall-Jackson Chardonnay. Hitting rock-bottom was the best thing that ever happened to me. The way it felt to suddenly discover that I exist is pretty impossible to describe.

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 40 of 40

  • Night Hope gold member
    October 28
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    Just so it'll say the judge actually commented. Again.

  • Night Hope gold member
    October 28

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    I was born at 5:40 a.m. on a Wednesday ("Wednesday's child is full of woe" and all that). Never tried to get up that early since, although I have been known to stay up until then. My name, Wanda Lea, means "weary wanderer". I once asked my mom if she'd known I'd be a writer. She just laughed. I hear ya, Scribe. I turned 51 in September and still can't quite figure out how in the hell that happened. Still, this one was way better than my 50th. For it, I had a stale chicken sandwich from Mickey D's...and my doc prescribed a nebulizing machine. Oy. Hardly the big blow-out I was hopin' for. Nevertheless, here we both are, tried and true survivors. Isn't that the whole point, after all, to get older? Well done, Morgan. Congrats on your well-deserved and hard-won trophies. And happy belated to ya, Sweetie, whenever that day might be.



  • OurxBeginning
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a deep piece. Makes one really think. Nice diction and word usage. I am turning 20 next yr, so we'll see where I am at 30. Well done and thanks for entering.


  • Pisces rainbow gold member
    September 26

    Edit | Reply
    I could have kept reading forever
    oh my goodness
    sometimes while I am reading poems that are filled with imagery and metaphors, I get so bored and feel as if my head is going to pop off , I could have kept reading, it was fascinating, not only the way you have written this, but what you write, it is different and very clever.
    AMAZING TALENT!
    God bless you my friend...


  • Again, a very interesting write from you, I admire that you seem to change your style quite often, the form, backgrounds and the topic, as an author, I am not able to do so, so glamorously,
    Thank you for entering.
    Sophie

  • There are some interesting lines, and a the piece has a definite feel and tone, however is too abstract for my taste.

    Thank you for entering.

    ~ ~ Janet ~ ~

  • Mmmm what a wonderful piece..... great job
    Thank you for entering.


  • Desdmona
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is very good. The diction is fabulous and the imagery is right up there with it. People just keep making this contest harder and harder to judge. This is a great piece. Good job and good luck! ~Des

  • i have to say that i feel like i would be parroting other peoples comments by saying that this is chock full of wonderful imagery and a great stream of consciouness. but it is. it's terrible to be alone on your birthday, especially such a momentous one, and im glad that hitting rock bottom was a good thing for you.
    my rock bottom was about a year ago, when i turned 20, my parents moved to another state, and i had to "become an adult" and learn how to deal with all the responsibilities that come with it.
    it was weird to realize, that i all the things i thought i knew, didnt add up to much..

    okay, enough with my blathering, sorry i didnt have anything new or interesting to say about your poem. i like it. and thats that.

    • JustBe gold member
      March 24
      Edit | Reply

      No worries

      I put a request for critical input on all of my poems, just in case someone comes up with something really good for me. Where this one is concerned, though, I haven't gotten anything like that in quite a long time. In the end, what I was really hoping when I posted this was that it would be an effective poem people could connect with, and while I do subscribe to the idea that a poem is never truly "finished," I do believe they can get "nearly there." So if what I've got here is a "nearly there" poem you were able to connect with, I can definitely appreciate your going to the trouble of telling me as much ... particularly in the case of this write, which was such an important experience.

      How is life shaping up after your first year on your own? I have learned to relate to pain as the great teacher - an agent of change - and I am thankful for it. Without it my life would still be a dysfunctional, angry, depressed, stress-filled mess I couldn't see my way through, and was sharing with the wrong person.

      Thank you for sharing.
      ~Morgan

  • Re-read

    The imagery in this is awesome. I am really speechless by the picture you painted. Being alone on your birthday has to be one of the saddest times, but to me it seems that you were able to move on a pick yourself up and have a good time anyway. I admire you for that. I see all the gold you won for this and they are well deserving to say the least. This poem can also describe why many of our youth cut themselves, especially from the last line in your AN. Overall the poem had so many conflicting feelings just like life itself.

    The spider gazes back.
    Welcome.
    Far away in Napa Valley,
    fruit grows ripe on a vine.
    I greet my party's only guest,
    who savors the moment.

    How sad so very sad thanks for entering and good luck

    • JustBe gold member
      March 2
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, yes. My 30th birthday was meant to be spent alone, and if I had it to do over again, I'd do it exactly the same way. It was one of my life's great watershed moments, and I have fonder memories of it by far than of my 29th, which was my first and only surprise party.

      Really glad you were able to relate personally to this. Find me an amateur poet who wouldn't be thrilled to have a reviewer read his/her poem and then speak in response of things like broadened horizons and being taken to places they've never been before, and I'll show you a liar. My thanks to you. I am quite humbled.

  • I'm glad you entered this

    This poem takes me to a place I have never been and forces me to broaden my horizon's I have to admit I must read this again before I give my final comment, but trust it will be a great comment! BRB


  • between slices
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm reading a poem after quite some time. And this was a flavour new and exciting. I just love how the little voice keeps blurting in between, the actions and moments in the brackets, the sudden little almost funny/sarcastic thoughts that pop in ("fried breath"), the lone talk, and the staring spot... and the revelation..

    This is the kind of poem a literature student would love to analyse, think about and answer questions on. It's beautiful and bittersweet, and with references. I'm glad you edited it to make it more powerful.

    "The way it felt to suddenly discover that I exist is pretty impossible to describe."
    I know. You can only feel it. I've felt it many times before. I could feel the soul within me. I could feel me "existing" a life. I would look at my hand and move my fingers and be amazed at how it moved at my command. I could feel my thoughts. And that is the moment when I would feel the most energized, and believe that if I can BE, then I can DO too. That is when I felt powerful.
    (Sadly, my moments of revelation are short-lived. )

    Maybe you had a different experience considering what you were going through. But somewhere somehow, I think I can understand. I think I can feel how you felt through your emotion filled words.

    I love you for writing this, and giving me the opportunity to read. Thank you. This is bookmarked as my favourites.


    I wish I could give a more critical comment. But I'm still learning.

    • JustBe gold member
      February 11

      Edit | Reply
      I must've been way out to lunch to completely miss such a thoughtful comment. Thank you sincerely for reading and taking the time comment. I'm really glad this poem holds meaning for you. I go on and on about the need for more constructive critiquing on this website, but when I get right down to it, this was a write that came straight from the heart at a very important time in my life, and my greatest hope for it has always been that it would hit other people like it hit me. Reading what you had to say after reading it was very gratifying.

      • between slices
        February 12
        Edit | Reply

        you're always welcome..
        reading it again now was like a flashback and a deja vu.. it was like tasting mother's homemade cookies when I was 5.. who doesn't enjoy food that tasted of childhood?


  • Danna Hobart
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Maybe the air
    is really just old songs.

    There are so many brilliant lines in this poem, but that is my favorite.

    I can't even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed this poem. Thank you for entering.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    December 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I remember reading this poem before. I'm surprised I did not comment.

    "I feel a breeze I've never felt
    fill the skin I've never worn"

    What a gift to have this poem to remember that profound moment. This is a great write, deserving of all that gold. And maybe more.


  • HeavenonEarth
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Deserving

    Great penning here of creativity. Before I reached the comments I must say that I am happy to read that you acknowledged it was the worst and the best thing that ever happened to you. I felt it in your poetry.
    The spider is actually quite significant if you really take a look at it. I'll elaborate on that at a later time though.
    Time for bed.
    Again well deserving of the golden trophy.
    all the best,
    ~Joy


  • Dead Hair
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...
    I've been told that a person's 30th birthday comes with epiphanies and realizations of the self...but this is just too much! I will not lie, I cannot relate to this. I'm too young to fully understand what you must have been feeling when you wrote this. But I am old enough to look upon you and your piece with awe. Thank you for writing this, and thank you for entering it for me to see!

    • JustBe gold member
      November 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      :)

      Some would have it that what the poet is thinking and feeling when (s)he writes a poem is of secondary importance to what the reader thinks and feels in reading it. If the poem touched you enough for you to use the word "awe," I find that extremely gratifying. Thank you.


  • Overcast
    October 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Overcast
    October 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    :)


  • Overcast
    October 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely lovely.Good luck with the contest


  • AbsoluteBrightness
    October 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh myyy
    I cant even come up with words right now..
    this was just amazing.


  • aligurl
    October 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow. I'm sorry this all happened to you but I know how you find yourself when there is nothing else left. I loved how you described it in the last stanza. I hope your life is better now and that it shall be happy and full of joy. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • A m b r e a
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is an amazing piece. The imagery is perfection, it read a bit like a story and I could see your surroundings in my head. It made me sad, then made me laugh, and then happy. The message is very well put across. I also enjoyed your AN, it made the poem even better! Well Done! Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!

    • JustBe gold member
      October 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      I am so lucky. How many people have an actual written transcript of one of their life's great watershed moments? It really takes me back, and I can read it over and over without getting tired of it. I spent hours and hours editing this, and finally came up with a poem that is only subtly different from its rough draft. I am glad you liked it, and I truly appreciate your saying so. It does me good to know that one good way of reaching out to people is to just live life the best way I know how, and be honest about the experience.
      ~Morgan


  • rawr41507
    June 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like it =]


  • walkinthereign
    May 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    interesting pen

    Some of this poem i didn't really understand but maybe I just need to mature more as a poet I am only 19. But this poem really made me think about where I am going to be in 10 or 11 years. I hope I am happy then. BTW I love how you ended your poem!!!


  • Blooming Poet
    May 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    http://allpoetry.com/contest/show/2404559
    Congrats you have made it [ast the audition


  • warrior-eagle
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Do you think that if I added you to the preliminary list to go on to next round you would make it? I mean make it as in write the poem etc?

    • JustBe gold member
      May 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Among other things, that depends on when the next round ends, I suppose. I never can tell when it comes to that sort of thing, because I am not one who can force my muse to just produce. Sometimes I go months with nothing, sometimes I post multiple poems in the same week. I can say that I will make time to pick up pen and paper and see what comes, but I cannot promise that I'll wind up with something I would call a poem.


  • rhondasail
    April 30, 2008

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    Happy belated...amazing observations in tiniest detail...I found the spider's stare to be the most powerful image of stark reality I've ever read...Glad this won a gold, and apparently, a bronze too. Peace, Rhonda

    • JustBe gold member
      May 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      The writing of this poem makes the short list of most important experiences in my life. It is certainly the most important piece of writing I have ever composed. I can read it and re-live the moment when I first discovered myself. To receive a compliment like that on this poem.... I don't think I can really convey how satisfying that is. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.


  • dewfall
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    free spirit

    i enjoyed this because it was immediate, almost stream-of-consciouseness writing which i used to do a lot when i was most in the flow... thankyou this was refreshing.


  • myrataal silver member
    March 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I really really think I read this one before!

    Really really

    Did you change your username? I have read thousands of poems over the last six years and I think my memory is not too bad.

    But then.

    Perhaps I dreamt it.
    Nevertheless, a stunning read. As I said before.

    Love
    Myra

    • JustBe gold member
      March 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Nope.

      Didn't change my user name, and yes, you did read this before. I entered it previously in Rob's contest "Better than My Stuff," and it won a bronze trophy. This version is actually heavily edited relative to the original. I pulled a lot of work awhile back to submit for publication, but I have no bites yet, and I've decided I'm not satisfied with most of them, anyway. Therefore, I have just re-posted a bunch of old stuff as pre-writes, and entered some of it in contests, in the hope that someone will feel up to taking a good whack at it. I actually have a couple more I'm going to put up a bit later.
      Thanks for your good eye, though, Myra. Plagiarism is a rotten thing, and I post so seldom, I'd be pretty pissed if someone stole my work.
      Best,
      Morgan


  • tryst 1
    March 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    a loon's call....

    ahh, JustBe...i hope you are never done with this one....i could re read it ad infinitum....the mood it creates is haunting, private, mournful, and introspective....i love the flavour of this poem. i love this poem. keep writing, and keep being....

    your friend who hasn't talked to you in forever....
    ~tryst

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