I watch the train day after day
as it makes its way.
I watch it slowly round the bends
and wonder how much time it spends
each day, making journeys.
The train didn't come
when there was no sun.
It was too hard to steer.
But at least it always made
the air all fresh and clear.
I loved that train,
all big and red,
so shinely ,and me
so small.
I watched the train,
as it made it's journey.
and I thought to my self 'surely
whatever pulls that must get
so tired, otherwise they'd
have to be wired.'
That's what I'll always believed:
that the train was moved by steed.
Author notes
Sorry if it's not what you were after. I know it's not my best poetry.
A contest entry
- Picture options -- I may want to add points by Circles.
300 points, ended May 2, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire me by Kristin Melissa.
1050 points, ended July 2, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like this poem? Please be honest.
Comments
-
Koodles, this is an intresting poem. Good luck in the contest.
Blessed be
Mystic -
Aww, pleasurable
Absorbed into imaginary moments here leaving me with a tender picture in my mind and literally as it seems obvious you used the photo with the choo-choo in it. Your poem is as tender as the image looked, very good. I've seen the effects with this line, "I watch it slowly round the bends" because in the country anyway, there are always big curved tracks that you can't go too fast on logically as there are warning signs you could tip over on regular roads. The rhyme actually helps the poem humorously in the viewpoint of a child because I didn't notice anything that wouldn't place smoothly. I love your use of contrast in the second stanza, how it seems you are a little frustrated you have to wait 'till it's bright again for safety with the train. But, then might be relieved in a way from that little break of pollution. Great hint towards trying to keep clean, especially with my rule hehe.
So innocent...so beautiful...so my favorite: "I loved that train, all big and red, so shinely ,and me so small." I can see why you loved it because you developed your happy emotions for it on how you have to be careful and it makes you go 'wow' looking all around your size. It almost reminds me of when my dad and I in our car used to sit at the tracks and count boxes... Those verses stood out to me like brevity.
I chuckled at your observation curiosity of how in the world 100 cars or so could keep going and going without getting exhausted. Gives a nice kid's thought because wondering could be their favorite thing in learning. Also, there's the idea of the people driving it, too needing time to sleep eat, etc. For some reason, "that the train was moved by steed" reminds me of horse and buggy. Looking back...... maybe that is the whole riddle of this poem which is fantastic! I think this poem goes either way.
Thank you for entering and offering me a smile when I read this,
Circles -
Megan,
I am going to be honest with you. I do like this poem. It has a lot to say. It reminds me of a Gary Allen song called 'Watching Airplanes'.
This poem could use a bit of tighten up here and there and clarification on a few lines. I do get what you are saying with though. I like the thought. You just need to work on getting the thought clearly down on paper (or the screen). If you want I can IM you with some help on it. Keep the ink flowing and good luck!
~Donna~
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